Forever in Tangent

Abrasion

2011-08-28T17:33:00.001-04:00

Abrasion [noun] (uh brah zuhn)

The process of wearing down or rubbing away by means of friction.

--

Irene has transformed into an abrasion on my soul.

I was set to settle into my Sunday, lounge and eat and read and (check work e-mails) and enjoy this day of rest the way I usually do. I was set to fill up my tank with 5-cent off gas and maybe, just maybe take my car to get washed. I was set to let the hurricane-hype roll off my back like water on a hurricane-battered window.

I bought extra batteries yesterday.

Foolish, I know. I like to think of myself as fairly independent in my decision making – don’t wait for me to follow the trend, you’ll be waiting a long , long time – and yet, here I was on a Saturday, waiting in line with my mom at Lowe’s to buy a 10-pack of D batteries “just in case.” Foolish is a kind way to describe my actions.

I’d like to blame herd mentality, media swarming, and well-over a week of consistent water cooler chatter about Irene and the Chaos She Will Bring. Of course, even I can’t believe my actions are completely devoid of personal fault. I was there, after all. The aforementioned list of perpetrators succeeded in getting under my skin and festering in the one area that my reptilian brain loves to loathe: fear. In the battle between fight and flight, the latter was never an option and former would be silly (“Hey, Irene! Put up your dukes, put ‘em up!!!”).

But I could do something in between – something small and seemingly insignificant, but still something. I could go out and prepare to power my radio in the event that we lose power. I could do that.

Still, the purchase was foolish. I have batteries at home: AA, AAA, C… but no Ds and my radio needs Ds. To be specific, that radio needs Ds. I’m sure I could dig through the closet and find a radio that runs on AAAs in the event of an emergency, but I had it set in my mind that this large blue boombox with a broken CD player from ’99 needed to be powered. It needed it.

Or maybe I did. Just in case.

As I reflect on my jaunt to find portable power at Lowe’s, the wind is wailing and the trees (thankfully flexible and resilient) are swaying like dancers warming up. The batteries are upstairs in the office cabinet and I have settled back into my Sunday, typing, lounging, and channel surfing for a good movie.

I suppose if a little bit of a foolish, impulsive, societal-pressure of an action can give me back my Sunday routine, it couldn’t have been that foolish. Not really.

Contrite

2011-08-21T15:24:00.000-04:00

Contrite [adj] (kuhn triet)

Deeply sorrowful and repentant for a wrong

Irish yogurt. An unappreciated breakfast item.

I love yogurt. Creamy. Tangy. Smooth. It's a constant companion in the form of a small, nourishing, dairy-laden snack. The curious thing about yogurt is that no matter where I've been, it remains a simple, tasty treat that simultaneously reminds me of home and gives me a sense of where I am.

China? Yak-milk yogurt – heavy-bodied, silky, sweet!

Home? Light and Fit – fruity, smooth, 80 calories!

Ireland. Er, yes, Ireland. That does throw a wrench in my theory. Irish yogurt proved to be a cross between sour cream and cream cheese. Thick, rich, and sour with a distinctive aftertaste that can only be described as cloying. The only saving grace of this breakfast item was that it came with granola to mix in. Of course, the so-called fruit syrup at the bottom of the cup almost made the granola's pretense null and void.

If that yogurt could speak, I have no doubt it would have been quite contrite.

Soak

2011-08-13T10:09:00.003-04:00

Soak [verb] (se ow keh)

To make thoroughly wet or saturated by or as if by placing in liquid.
To take in or accept mentally, especially eagerly and easily

--

It happened in a pub.

The musty booth was obtained. The fish and chips were ordered. The music was picking up. The crowd soaked in Guinness from the inside out. All was well. And then the people in booth next to us – to my completely shock and horror - started talking to us. Animatedly. Interestedly. Without pause.

My reaction: What the heck do you want?

O'Shea's! Packed with chatty tourist and locals alike.

In public, friendliness is a smile, a shared joke about poor service, a “don’t worry about it” if you have to move your chair for someone to walk by. I believe that general concept is well understood in the States. If not that exact wording, at least the sentiment of privacy even in crowded spaces.

Not here, not in the pubs of Ireland.

It happen almost every night. In Dublin, in Doolin, and Westport, too. Complete strangers would strike up a conversation with you out of the blue. One moment you'd be sitting by the bar, nursing your diet Coke (okay, stop your judging), and listening to the music, and the next you've been swept up into a conversation by locals who you could have sworn were not there a moment ago.

I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t off-putting, that it didn’t make me feel uncomfortable and want to go back to my quiet, question-free room and lock the door. The first time, I may have done just that. But (and there's always a but when there's something to be learned), by the time I boarded the plane for Boston, I was more open to the giving people the benefit of the doubt. Don't be mislead: Never did I turn into Sally Social – that would have been devastating to my introvert credit. However, in the end it seemed like people were motivated to ask questions at the bar because, well, they had a question. Curiosity was the motivator most of the time. A desire to show thankfulness another. Or, my favorite, visible opportunity to show commonality – Obama did just leave Ireland the week before we arrived and it was a chance to talk about something we both understood.

The very first batch of Irish fish and chips. And mushy peas.

On that night in Dublin, with old men singing and fish and chips and our chatty booth mates, I learned not only that mushy peas are really, really mushy, but also that our neighbors were all siblings, regulars to this pub, loved the piper (who was only 16!) to pieces, and had no idea where Vermont was in the States ("By Montreal. Just in the States and with more confusion about health care.").

And it all happened in a pub.

Obdurate

2011-08-07T12:47:00.009-04:00

Obdurate [adj] (ahb duhr uht)

Hardened in feeling
Resistant to persuasion

--

I'm completely obdurate on the issue and you cannot convince me otherwise:

Traveling is enjoyable. Sorting through travel photos is not.

I took over 600 photos on my trip to Ireland. While that means I have over 600 memories captured in film, er -- zeros and ones (?), it also means that I have over 600 memories to sort, label, compile, edit, delete, regret deleting, and share. This kind of activity requires a fair amount of momentum, typically granted by the glow of the trip upon one's return. I rode that wave - showed my family all 600, unedited images, posted two days worth of photo albums online with captions, set my desktop background as a vista from the Cliffs of Mohr.

And then Wednesday came around.

Wednesday was the day I went back to work. Wednesday was the day I attacked 700 unanswered e-mails. Wednesday was the day reality trumped memories.

To say the least, my wave of momentum evaporated.

Nonetheless, a loss of momentum isn't completely to blame. There's also cognitive dissonance. I look at a photo of our trip to the Joyce County Sheepdog demonstration - look at Sweep fly around, herding those sheep (or more likely, staring them down)! I captured that moment, but know, from memory, that the better shot would have been of someone in our group petting Roy, another sheepdog. The reality of what I have captured is countered by what I know I could have captured, if I'd only known. Opportunity cost meets cognitive dissonance.

The trip itself was lovely: green, hot, sunny, energetic, filling. I wouldn't trade the experience. The need to sort through my photos? Now that experience I'd trade. Thank goodness for travel-mates that love to point, shoot, edit, and share.

Assuage

2011-07-31T15:45:00.000-04:00

Assuage [verb] (uh sway)

To make something unpleasant less severe

--

I've found that the only thing that can assuage the fear of penning a long, boring, obnoxious blog entry is to set out with the objective to do just that. To write a long, boring, obnoxious blog entry, that is. Prepare yourselves, dear friends. This is going to be a dozy.

I (and a couple thousand others on this planet, thank goodness) have a tendency to avoid that which has the potential to be unpleasant. Take, for example, physicals. Or cocktail socials. Or poorly constructed, asinine, yuppie accounts about my trip to the Emerald Isle.

... not that the last example has anything to do with the fact that I have not posted for months. No, not at all. *CoughCough*

On the one hand, it's comforting to know that shying away from such galling occurrences is more natural than not. "Walk into that lion's den? No, thanks," screams the human psyche. "I'd much rather walk around. Or starve. Or go play this great game of cornhole I just found!"

On the other hand (because there is always another hand), it's just as disconcerting that we lean toward cowardice when given the option. I decided to avoid my own blog for months in order to maintain a false sense of literary bravery and accomplishment around in my proverbial handbag. "Lion's den? What lion's den? Let's get back to that game of cornhole," my mind rifts. While I may now be an expert cornhole player, what have I really gained?

If you said, "Nothing," you're far too pessimistic. If you said, "A growing sense of impending doom," gold star for you!

Today, I set out to leave cowardice at the door. While it hasn't reached the entryway just yet (it's peering around my couch, right now), I know that only way to push it out will be to try. This attempt may not be noble or iconic or bold or, heck, even good, but it's something. And something is a lot better than the nothing I've been putting out.

Here's to second, third, and fourth tries.

Specious

2011-05-29T17:52:00.001-04:00

Specious [adj] (spi suhs)

Seemingly true but really false
Deceptively convincing or attractive:

I am in Dublin. No, really - that's not specious statement. I, Kristen of the Green Mountain State, am sitting on the tile floor of my room in the buzzing city of Dublin, Ireland. A little worse for wear in the sleep department, I must admit, but generally whole and ready to take this city by storm!

And “by storm,” I do mean at a steady, marathon pace that will leave my feet relatively intact.

Wanting to keep my brain intact, as well, I’ve decided to rely on numbers to summarize my first days in Ireland. So, without further ado…

Dublin (and travel so far) by the Numbers:

21: the row I sat in during our 6-hour flight to Dublin Airport.
0: the percentage of joy in my heart when I found out that not only did we not have WiFi in the room, but that my iPhone couldn’t dial out OR receive data. Here’s to purchasing an international call and data plan for nothing. (Bitter, me? No…)
10: minutes that we waited to see the Book of Kells at Trinity College.
6: the number of faces that dropped when I ordered chicken liver pate at our first group dinner. Note: It was delicious – particularly when you stacked the croute with liver and fig compote.
8: the number of times I thought we were driving on the wrong side of the road thus far and that we were surely going to die. Or be wounded. Or simply have a heart attack.
1: cups of tea I’ve sipped. This unexpected cuppa was sipped this morning, with milk and sugar, before heading to the Loughcrew. The poor waitress has a look of horror when our group descended on Caffrey’s – it was 10:30 AM the morning after the Barcelona v. Manchester United match and there were two dozen of us after all.
A LOT: The hills I’ve climbed today. After a trip to Loughcrew (a fantastic (and very windy) megalith burial site) and the Hills of Tara, I wouldn’t be exaggerating to say that we climbed 20 different hills – tall, short, steep, steeper, green, yellow, rocky, and covered in sheep poop. These sites would have been nothing if it wasn’t for Kelly, our beloved guide (and archeologist and Champlain professor – she’s like Indiana Jones, people). I never knew turf-encrusted tombs could be so…. alive.
17: The age of the pipe player at O’Shea’s Merchant, a pub in town. He quietly took our breath away and got out of feet tapping while we munched on fish and chips (and “mushy peas,” I kid you not). Then men in the pub jumped on the bandwagon and sang a capella to the room. The gentleman next to us (lovely and now educated where Vermont is in comparison [AKA not near Michigan]) egged them all on, hand clasped around a bottomless pint of Guinness. Only in local pubs.

What's up for tomorrow? Tomorrow: a walking tour of Dublin, visiting Champlain’s academic center, Irish Parliament, and an Irish House Party for a little craic (AKA entertainment – get your mind out of the gutter!). Oh, and yogurt. Can't forget that yogurt... (stay tuned for an entry on that little beauty of breakfast).

[Note: Internet connection is poor, so no images yet.]

Caprice

2011-05-27T08:53:00.000-04:00

Caprice [noun] (ca pris)

Sudden, impulsive, and seemingly unmotivated action

--

While traveling means being at the mercy of every whim and caprice from a slew of factors*, there is one thing that remains in your complete and utter control: packing.

I've always loved and loathed the process of packing. It's one thing to calculate what to bring on a trip; it's another to change those calculations into a reality that will fit into a single bag.

The two-page, two column list.

What does a successful packing venture come down to? Transmogrification. And lists, but mostly transmogrification.

I know, I know: "Why are you bringing magic into this?" But truly: I have no idea how it happens otherwise. When you're 24-hours away from takeoff, staring at a two-page list of must-have items, it seems like the only thing that manages to get everything stuffed into your bag is something mystical.

The mystics were with me today. As of last night, I had a packing list, a pile of clothes, toiletries, electronics, and snacks, and a bag** longing to be filled. As of the time I sat down to write this entry, I have a filled carry-on and 47 lbs. of checked bag goodness.

We're packed! AKA Victory!!!

In a few hours, I will step on the plane to Ireland. I have no doubt that I'll be fighting to control my excited caprices every step of the way. And by "fighting" I do accepting without question. I am traveling to Ireland, after all - what's a journey abroad without embracing the new and unexpected? See you in Ireland!

*including but not limited to: Thunderstorms, cranky and/or drooling passengers, and Icelandic volcanoes.

** His name is Maurice, by the way. We've been through a lot together, so it was only fitting to christen him.

Lucid

2011-05-22T20:15:00.002-04:00

Lucid [adj] (loo sihd)

Clear, intelligible, and easily understood

--

Does a lamb shank make a good souvenir?

I suppose if one addresses this question in a simple and lucid manner, the answer would likely nest in the negative. "No, my uncouth friend," One would begin, resting behind a large gilded desk with one's fingers tented. "A lamb shank does not an acceptable souvenir make."

And this, dear friends, is where I grow concerned, as a lamb shank was one of the first souvenir ideas I had after learning I would be heading to Ireland, the land of (some of) my forebears.

I am of the camp that declares edible gifts to be some of the best gifts to receive. Food from exotic lands is exciting - it's new, it's culturally significant, it's not FDA approved! A slice of packaged turtle jelly, a hunk of freeze-dried poutine, or a bundle of seaweed "rice cakes" all say so much about the place they were sold and the people who by it. I've never been so excited as when someone brought me Pocky sticks from Japan - well, except maybe that time I was brought Vietnamese coconut candy or those Mexican sugar skulls. The excitement stems from the idea that you're partaking in a small, but significant piece of another world. After all, food is culture, culture is food.

Turtle Jelly. China 2009

This week, I'm preparing to depart for Ireland by adding footnotes to my packing list ("...what's missing here? Headphones? Nope. Toothbrush? Nah. Maybe - oh, SOCKS!"), agonizing over my ticket (Me trying to call the travel agency: "No, seriously, where is my ticket? What about my confirmation number? THERE'S NO NUMBER HERE!!! FOR THE LOVE OF PETE...oh, sorry, ma'am, wrong number.") and, being a somewhat crazed individual, calculating my souvenir list. This list is currently chock-full of food - most of which I cannot begin to know, A) If I can find, B) If I can bring back, and C) If it would survive the trip. And yet, here I am, homing in on finding Cadbury chocolates, rashers (AKA Irish bacon), and Marmite. Oh, and a lamb. A lamb would be nice. (Mr. Norton - the lamb's name - could masquerade as a guide dog, no?)

Of course, I have a foodie list for my culinary delights while I'm in country, too. Irish stew, Shepard's pie, fish and chips, baggers and mash, freshly steamed mussels, boxty, and even black pudding make the list. With so many interesting gastronomic options before me, it seems almost rude to not offer a sliver of this experience to those at home.

So, does a lamb shank make a good souvenir? Yes. Yes, I do believe it does.

Idiosyncrasy

2011-05-15T18:54:00.000-04:00

Idiosyncrasy [noun] (ih deeh uh sihn kruh see )

Peculiarity of temperament
Eccentricity

--

I wear striped knee socks with my running shoes. They're not overly shocking, just grey and black and cream. Neither sock is threadbare or allows for my big toe to stick out uncomfortably, which I consider a boon. They do, however, look a tad - what's the word? - odd when paired with my sneakers, go-to workout capris, and (high school) freshman field hockey sweatshirt.

It is for this idiosyncrasy that I workout in seclusion.

[Well, and the fact that I run like one side of my body is in the process of being sucked into a black hole, but that's neither here nor there.]

Ahem.

When it comes to exercise, I do have a few quirks beyond my ensemble. There's the order in which I arrange my bike, weights, water bottle, and TV (1, 4, 2, 3). The fact that I turn the heat up when I'm warming up (heat? warming up? The connection is not lost on me). The way I roll up my yoga mat (side note: Don't you hate it when it doesn't roll evenly? If yoga's about centering yourself, my mat sure as all out has to be centered, too). Each of the aforementioned tasks is a tradition - a good luck pep talk to myself before and after all the stretching, sweating, and general chaos ensues. I see similar acts of eccentricity occur all the time and while a particular choice may look out of place from an outsider's perspective, I know it would make perfect sense if I were to spend a few minutes in that person's reality.

Without our quirks, the entire world may go down in flames. Or, you know, at least my workout and that would be a shame.

Bonhomie

2011-05-08T12:46:00.000-04:00

Bonhomie [noun] (bah nuh mee)

Good-natured geniality
Atmosphere of good cheer

--

Looking to improve your workplace bonhomie? Two words: Silly Putty.

If, for some strange reason, you do not have a well-loved container of this pliable gunk, I highly recommend running out to the closest dollar store you can find and buy some! Putty is perfect for kneading, molding, ripping, destroying, and repairing - all things that one is bound to want to do on an overly hectic day! Heck, it's even fantastic for creative pursuits!

Looking for a job in the fashion industry? Say, hello, to the House of Putty!

Fashion and Putty.

Or maybe you're more of a stylist?

I Love Lucy (the Duck).

Into the pursuit of zeros and ones? Shout your love for web traffic in moldable rubber!

"Very Unique Visitor"

But, if you're like me and enjoy patterns, perhaps you'd rather just play and see what happens:

Pebbles. Or bubbles. It's up to you.

Thanks to Maureen for letting me post some of her gifts of Putty art! A prettier dress and banner were never crafted.

Glower

2011-05-01T11:43:00.004-04:00

Glower [verb] (glow uhr)

To glare
To stare angrily and intensely

--

Frown, be gone! The stark glare of winter has lifted and the effervescent blush of spring is upon us!

Don't believe me, do you? The fact that today is the first of May, the temperature is in the 50s, and birds are signing their merry song isn't enough to stir hope in your heart?

Oh, I see: You need proof - photographic evidence. Well, evidence you shall have:

Ta-da! Greenery!

See that? That's the color green. You may not recall this verdant hue, as it has been a good 6-months since it's made an appearance in nature. Nonetheless, it is here now. Welcome, green! You will always be appreciated in our halls.

[Unless, of course, you come in the form of mold, mucus, or the teal tone of gangrene. If you arrive under such circumstances, you will surely make us glower once again.]

With a backyard full of new life and vegetation, let the countdown begin to the blooming of those lilac buds, another season of (endless) lawn care, and my arrival in one of the greenest isles around!

Accretion

2011-04-17T18:54:00.002-04:00

Accretion [noun] (uh kree shuhn)

A growth in size; an increase of amount

Source

X-Men: First Class makes its US theatre debut on June 3, 2011. At this time, I'll be traversing the wonder and delight of the Emerald Isle, but make no mistake: the fact that I can't be in line for a midnight showing in the States doesn't change the accretion of my affection for this movie.

I love X-Men. The 90s television series on Fox was one of my favorite Saturday morning shows - the fantasy, the action, the drama! Even the sociological aspect of the plot struck a cord with my pre-adolescent brain: Why are the mutants discriminated against? What makes this prejudice okay in society? How does one fight a government that is against ones very existence? How can I get a cool hair streak like Rogue?

Okay, so maybe the last question wasn't exactly sociologically motivated.

Although the only time I picked up the actual comic was when my parents would bring me a few issues when I was sick (say it with me, "Aw!!!"), I never felt out of the loop with the characters or the progression of the series. I felt like I understood these outcasts because weren't we all like them more than other superheros? I was not an altruistic alien like Superman. I was not a millionaire with a vendetta like Batman. I wasn't a masochistic nerd (...geek: yes.) that was bitten by a radioactive bug like Spiderman. But I was a little lost, a little on the edge of clicks at school, and a little bewildered at my own brain, let alone the status quo and how it seemed to be stacked against like me. I was an X-Men.

What this love-fest comes down to is that I am excited about First Class. The first and second X-Men films* made me extremely happy, so to have this prequel about the beginning of my favorite duo - Charles and Magneto - emerge is truly exciting. If I could pull it off, I'd find a theatre in Ireland to view the film, like I did with Terminator Salvation in China. But I don't think, for some strange reason, that is in the planned itinerary. Bummer. Therefore, I insist on geeking out over snippets from this film - and even fan-made ones like the title sequence below.

X-Men: First Class Title Sequence from Joe D! on Vimeo
This is what the opening credits for First Class need to be: First Class! A ode to the decade, an ode to the long time fans, and ode to the source material Is this what you're envising for the style of the opening?

*And no: We do not talk about X-Men 3.

Aver

2011-04-10T12:40:00.001-04:00

Aver [verb] (ay vehr)

To declare positively

--

I must aver that I woke up at an ungodly hour for a sabbath day this morning. I'm a morning person, but even I have to curse at the sun when confronted with the fact that while I traversed desolate streets, hundreds of others were tucked into bed, relishing the Sunday lull.

Bitterness: it happens.

Of course, my wake-up call did have a purpose. A purpose that made complete sense at the time of conception, but when juxtaposed to sweet, sweet slumber seemed rather obtuse. While questioning why in the world I used words like "conception" and "obtuse" at such an hour, I hopped on the highway, free of traffic, and got off three exits down.

It was all for Eggs Benedict.

Velvet hollandaise, with just a enough lemon juice to make your taste buds twinge. Perfectly round poached eggs, with bright yellow yokes. Seared Canadian bacon, with just enough snap to let you know it cares. And then the English muffin, homemade and grilled, not toasted.

This was the gastro-treat that tore me from my bed. This was the petit dejeuner that called to me like a siren. This was what compelled me to get out of the house in time to be at the restaurant at 8:00 a.m. to avoid the infamously long line. And this is the breakfast that is sitting in my stomach as I prepare for a Sunday afternoon nap.

It was worth the effort. But I won't be duplicating said effort next week.

Obviate

2011-04-07T21:06:00.002-04:00

Obviate [verb] (ob vee ayt)

To anticipate and prevent
To make unnecessary

--

I had every intention to summarize my takeaways from SxSWi tonight, but the more I think about my conclusions, the more I think others' conclusions obviates the need for mine. Don't take that as a pity party - I've had a blast talking about the friendship of legal and social media, the gamification of marketing, the mobile phone as your augmented mouse, and the joys of ROI (note ROI is for your execs and KPIs are for your team) - but there's only so many times you can see recaps about "the game layer" and "how you should be measuring social media" before it all begins to sound like, well, gibberish.

"Tsk-tsk. What a cop-out, m'dear," I hear you think. "You chatted with everyone about the glory that is SxSWi and yet you refuse to share a single tidbit of information with your loyal, if digital, companions."

Fair enough. Fair enough. You have shamed me into a state of unrest. I will share 5 personal takeaways that are not related to the panels, okay? I'm sticking to my guns on this one - don't give me that elephant lip, mister!

My low-tech notes. And my spectacular shoe.

Book everything early. The second you register, get your flight and hotel in order. While the location of my hotel this year was equidistant from the Center and the Hyatt, I also paid through the noise for it due to my booking procrastination. Never again. Never again.
Take advantage of free transportation. FreshBooks sponsored a shuttle from the airport, Chevy's fleet of vehicles roamed around Austin to offer a lift (Marilyn was my favorite driver, personally), and the rickshaws are tip only. Pay not for your transportation - that's what sponsors are for.
Avoid the official parties. The unofficial gatherings - whether they are, in fact, just poorly promoted parties or random tweet-ups at a restaurant - tend to be less crowded and more authentic.
Be trustworthy. This is a weird one, but here's the thing: When someone asks you to, let's say, watch their iPad2 while they got to the bathroom, do just that. Perhaps this will eventually become another entry about my apparent trustworthiness (people ask me to watch their things, give them directions, and recommendations for restaurants all the time), but I've found SxSWi to be full of people living by "Do unto others as you would have done unto you." It's a conference of camaraderie; no worries over losing your spot in line or having your iPad2 walk away. Trust, it's a beautiful thing.
Please remember to have fun while you're learning. I attended 22 panels from March 11 to March 15. The vast majority of the panels fell under my legal-regulations-measurement goal, but some were out of left field. And you know what? Just like in college, the sessions that had nothing to do with my objective turned out to be some of the most useful. Social Psychology, Seth Priebatsch, and Improv for Everyone still have my mind racing.

There? Are you happy now?

Mendicant

2011-03-27T13:07:00.001-04:00

Mendicant [noun] (mehn dih kuhnt)

Beggar

--

While having a rather serious conversation about "The Next 10 Years" and what, preciously, that decade should yield for a career - prowess? Longevity? Joy? High blood pressure? - it was (somehow) determined the optimal profession to enter and master is one that will deem us indispensable in the occurrence of a Zombie Apocalypse.

Ahem. If you're looking at things pragmatically, that is.   Clearly, being a mendicant isn't an option.

I'll admit that this may have been an attempt at subterfuge, trying to take the intensity of "What am I going to do with my life?" down a notch or two. However, you must admit that the concept does have legs and makes you wonder: If all of society collapsed, what skills do I have to survive and thrive?

I don't know about the rest of you, but my survival is currently banking on a mean French Toast and basket weaving. It is for this reason that I'm fairly sure I'd go out with the first wave of Zeds. It was nice blogging with you all.

And yet, there are careers and hobbies that would serve this state of cannibalistic chaos well.   In fact, I can think of my top 5 that have roots in today's society but could rise to the top when all else shatters.

Outdoorsman: The most obvious of them all, the man or woman who has a knack with weaponry, an eye for moving targets, and a sense of the natural world will thrive in Z-Day. Today, this person may be a weekend hunter, a Scout Leader, or a member of the armed services. Tomorrow, they're John from Lost.
Farmer: Known for being hard workers, farmers, again, have a sense of the land - they have a large knowledge base of animals, plants, and the impact of the weather. Many farmers also act as their own mechanics, so when your cross-country Hummer breaks down in the middle of Z-Ville he or she will come in handy.
Chemist: Think explosives and fuel - we need both. The first for tight situations, the second for transportation. However, an academic need not apply; we need someone with field experience. A bonus if the chemist once took a class in pharmaceuticals.
Medical doctor: Without a shadow of a doubt, people will get ill or hurt. A doctor will be invaluable to a group, particularly if that doctor is a surgeon. Lost is the perfect example of this need.
Electrical engineer: Yes, when the Zombie Apocalypse hits electricity will go dwon, but it doesn't have to stay down. An electrical engineer can build a generator, fix flash lights, or set-up a communications network. A good engineer will also be able to harness wind, solar, and water to provide energy.

There. The Top 5 Careers that will help you in the Zombie Apocalypse. ... sadly, my job is not on that list, nor is it connected to any in a tangential manner. Okay, how about a bonus Career for the list?

6. Renaissance Faire'r: Basket weaving! Candle making! Butchering! Campfires! Clothing construction! Grog and pub songs! All handy skills for the human survival convoy.

Is your job on the list? Did I miss something big? Make the case for how indispensable your chosen career will be come Z-Day and maybe I'll add it to Bonus section.

Talon

2011-03-20T20:27:00.000-04:00

Talon [noun] (taa luhn)

Claw of an animal, especially a bird of prey

--

I have returned from South by South West (SxSW) with the satisfaction of a once-hungry hawk with a hare locked in her talons.

I ventured to Austin with a goal to see it all: go to every panel on social media regulations, legality, measurement, and gaming that I could, eat at every out-of-this-world restaurant, food truck, and hubble I see, and embrace the weird that is this capitol city in Texas. With a smidge of pride, I can say that I accomplished my goals everyday - panels and foodie opportunities bowed before me! The weird I sought, however, remained elusive. A local told me that I wasn't really seeing Austin during this week.

"This isn't Austin," she reported as we waited in line at kebabalicious on Commerce Ave., "This is the convention - Austin is much, much weirder."

Drat. How was I going to find that touch of weird I so craved for this trip when everything had an aura of "convention" around it? Sure, those giant Fandango mascots waltzing up 4th was strange, but very SxSW. That "I wear my sunglasses at night" dance party? Sponsored, no doubt. And that trip to Emo's for Steampunk Burlesque? Emo's is legit, but this was an interactive event after all. Hm.

And then: I saw it. While waltzing home from a late, late dinner, my cronies and I spotted what we thought was just another pedicab. But it was not a pedicab: it was a rickshaw runner, carrying three people, and going at a decent clip down the street. I stopped dead in my tracks and asked my group, "Is that really happening?" Without a delay, a man riding in the ricksaw shouted, "Oh, yes! This is really happening!"

My mission couldn't be more clear: To fulfill my weird goal for Austin, I needed to get myself on a rickshaw.

One day passed, and then two and three. It was the very last day of the conference, my crew was fairly certain we'd leave without another rickshaw sighting. And then, we saw Steve, stretching outside the Convention Center after our last panel.

It was a miracle of Austin - and I filmed it.

Steve took us down alleys, into traffic, across intersections, and right to our hotel's front door. And you know what? There's no standard fee; they live on tips! For fulfilling my final goal, I tipped in an obscene way and still thought I underpaid.

I now sit at home by my fireplace, reminiscing about the week away, and I'm satisfied with what I accomplished. Even if it was only for a brief moment spread over seven days, I had a piece of the knowledge, ambition, and weirdness of Austin in my talons, and it felt pretty good.

Collusion

2011-03-06T15:53:00.000-05:00

Collusion [noun] (kul loo zhuhn)

Collaboration
Complicity
Conspiracy

--

I wish my Brain would stop acting in collusion with Reality. The two of them talk, you see. My eyes scan a glossy, register a fashion ad and my Brain begins to think. But why should it do so on it's own? It pulls out its brand new iPad 2 (because, clearly, my brain has obtained one - and has hidden it from me) and messages a trusted friend, Reality.

Brain: Hi, Reality
Reality: Oh, Brain! How r u?
Brain: Good, good. Been looking at this magazine ad and was wondering if we should expect it to look good on us. [Pic attached]
Reality: WOW 0_o
Brain: So, you think we'll look like that, too?
Reality: Ummm...sure, sure. BTW get that iPad 2 I sent?
Brain: Yeah, love it! Thanks so much! But, do you really think we should get it?
Reality: You deserve it! :-)
Brain: Awwww! Really? Stop it.
Reality: Would I lie to you? ...
Brain: Too sweet! Oops, need to get back. TTYL!

My Brain then give me its input: "Look at how glorious that model looks in that chartreuse and mauve zebra-print jumpsuit! If she looks so jaunty, surely we will, as well. Get it!" In that moment, my expectations are high. Why would my Brain lie to me, after all? It is me.

And yet.

My Brain has also been seduced by the idea that Reality won't lie to it, thereby allowing said "friend" to slap this occasionally media illiterate gal across the face. But I doubt Reality's only confident is my Brain - I bet many other Brains chat with it, as well. Brains that gift it cruises and massages and front row Knick's tickets; Brains that ask it to conveniently forget to let other Brains know that chartreuse and mauve zebra-print jumpsuits look good on no one, save for well lit, overly Photoshop'd, and paid spokespeople.

Thankfully, with the influx of media literacy in schools, most of us take marketing with more than just a grain of salt - we grab the whole container. Our Brains are trained to be weary, to analyze all resources, and then come to a conclusion. However, even when we know better, we still do it: We trust. We see past the make-up, the .12 cm font, the paragraphs of disclaimers, and choose to move forward with faith that it'll be different this time - this time it'll work for us.

This instance of trust in the advertising brings me to my most recent example of Brain/Reality collusion:

An e-mail sent the weekend before my first Bon Jovi concert, urging ticket holders to "Arrive Early - No Opening Act." Be there at 7:30 "SHARP," it extols - we're starting with or without you, it screams. Fast forward to March 1 at 7:30 PM: Nothing. 7:35 PM: Nothing. 7:55 PM: Ditto. 8:00 PM: De Nada. Finally, after sitting in my seat like a good fan for well-over an hour and a half, the show starts at 8:15 PM.

The marketing lead my Brain to believe; Reality showed me otherwise. Never again - until next time, that is.

Lissome

2011-02-27T18:46:00.001-05:00

Lissome [adj] (lihs uhm)

Easily flexed
Limber
Agile

--

I've been wearing a pair of granny boots around town for the past few weeks. They're lissome, the leather now marked and worn. The shiny black is now a matted gray that works well with its darkened, threadbare laces and weakened hooks. The heel may be the only thing that has maintained its original structure: 2-inches of solid Cuban heel.

I know I'm not winning any fashion awards when these shoes are strapped to my feet. Those kind of accolades are only bestowed upon wispy espadrilles, leopard print pumps, and red-soled stilettos. And yet, I can't find it in myself to care.

To call these boots anything but homely would be an insult to their utility. With my heavy Victorian waders, I can traverse puddles, conquer ice slicks, and march through well-intentioned piles of salt without any ado. After confronting the weather, they can then take me into the boardroom, where their strength, tenacity, and unabashed resolve transfer from their leather soles into my words.

Yes, the Vermont winters have not been kind to these shoes - but they have certainly been kind to me.

Knell

2011-02-20T12:40:00.002-05:00

Knell [noun] (nehl)

Sound of a funeral bell
Omen of death or failure

Despite fear and panic, cruelty and mockery, endless brainstorm sessions and rows and rows of cookie cutter cubicles, it's still too soon for you to hear the knell for creativity.

For inspiration. For insight found in the most unlikely places.

It's too soon to believe there is no original thought. Too soon to self-edit vision. Too soon to welcome manila into your veins and monotony into your soul.

Fear and panic, cruelty and mockery, endless brainstorm sessions and rows and rows of cookie cutter cubicles... these are for what the bells tolls, not your imagination. Not your euphoria.

Not you.

Judicious

2011-02-13T15:22:00.003-05:00

Judicious [adj] (joo dih shuhs)

Sensible
Showing good judgment

--

I have to question how judicious it is to have not one, not two, but three theatrical retellings of Snow White without a single one of them featuring our fair princess as an evil vampire.

*Insert chirping birds, a la this clip*

Okay. Here we go: Snow White is a vampire. No, no - stay with me. The Queen is not evil; she's a vampire hunter.

Credit

This story is loaded with allusions to Snow's less-than-living reality, even if it the tale itself paints her as the innocent victim. Remember: History is written by the victors. We've seen it happen time and time again - so why would it be any different when it comes to faerie tales? I propose that the Queen of Snow White is merely a victim of a rewritten history - the target of a post-humorous smear campaign by her archenemy. And here is my evidence:

As the German telling of this tale goes, Snow White begins as a wish made on a drop of her mother's blood. Blood. B-L-O-O-D. To top it off, the mother dies during childbirth. A coincidence or Snow's first victim?
The Queen uses a mirror (an item that vampires traditionally cannot be viewed in. A great irony.) to keep an eye out on "The Fairest of the All," also known as AKA very, very pale people. Perhaps those who do not go out merrily in sunlight and have no blood pumping through their veins, hm?
The Queen asks her loyal Huntsman to kill Snow and bring back her heart. A heart skewered with a wooden stake, me thinks.
Snow has an uncanny ability to get men to protect her. The Huntsman backs out of killing her. The Dwarfs (AKA "The Buffet") fall over themselves to please her. It's all vampiric hypnosis. Plus, a Prince she's never met fights over her "dead" body - but we'll get to that.
Snow doesn't die. Ever. The Queen hunts down the Fair Lady to kill her on three separate occasions. Her first failed attempt is with a magical corset that tightens and tightens and tightens one's ribcage. Really, a vice grip like that on your ribs should kill you - unless you don't breathe. The Queen, not one to give up that easily, then tries a poison comb, which, too, fails. And that poison comb should have worked, as well - except if Snow's skin is so hard that it can't be penetrated. Finally, Snow is handed a BLOOD RED poison apple, which Snow eats and - wait for it - still doesn't die. The traditional tale says the apple was merely "stuck in her throat." A lucky happenstance or an author trying to explain the unexplainable (also known as vampirism)?
The dwarfs put Snow in a glass coffin while she rests. 'Nough said.
A Prince, who has never meet our princess before, becomes enchanted by Snow's beauty and instantly falls in love with her. He fights with the dwarfs over the body and, somehow, this "wakes" Snow up - Ms. Undead likely sensed an escape and a way to get rid of the Queen marrying a powerful prince all in one move.
Unbeknown to her, the Queen attends a wedding - only to find that it's the wedding of a once-ally and her last target. Completely ditching her pure and innocent routine, Snow makes the Queen dance in hot iron shoes until she dies for her and her minions' - er, I mean guests' entertainment. This leaves Snow a kingdom for her next buffet.

Ladies and gentlemen of the faerie tale jury, the evidence is before you. Grimm's so-called Evil Queen is nothing of the sort; she is a hero, a warrior against the darkness. Sadly in the Queen's case, the darkness triumphed and manage to so manipulate the true telling of Snow White that her bravery and sacrifice are known only as vanity and greed today.

Garner

2011-02-06T11:25:00.005-05:00

Garner [verb] (gahr nuhr)

To gather and store

--

Like many of us, I've garnered a long list of favorite online videos. Some I can't unearth for the life of me (i.e. the one that boils down the history of someone's relationships via online activity - hilarious. Can't find it - not so hilarious), but other videos I have had the foresight to bookmark, Like, Favorite, and/or burn the URLs into my neocortex. Here are just a few of my old - and new - favorites to share:

My first foray into Eddie Izzard. While the act itself is to die for, the use of Legos makes the whole thing priceless.

Released just last Wednesday, I've proudly shown Volkswagon's new Passat commercial to far too many people. [The best part is that I think Vadar is, in fact, a girl - the baby doll bedroom scene is my evidence. Power to the Geek Girls!][UPDATE: So, Darth was played by a boy. Still, in my imaginary commercial world, this character was a geek-tastic girl. So there.]

Behold! The power of editing! This video still creeps me out.

The penultimate viral video. All hail OK Go!

What's on your must-see list?

Naive

2011-01-30T18:46:00.003-05:00

Naïve [adj] (nah eev)

Lacking sophistication or experience

--

I have never been one to be naive about weather, particularly the variety we receive in Vermont. The Green Mountain State entices many with its lush greenery during the spring, serene lakes during the summer, confetti farmlands during the fall, and white-capped mountains during the winter. These sites are iconic for a reason- if my opinion means anything, I highly recommend visiting our state to witness each season in action.

However.

As a native, the weather that each season brings uncovers something a little different for me. Spring means boots for Mud Season, summer means sunblock for every excursion, and fall means having a handkerchief handy for when the wind picks up woodsmoke. And winter? Winter means sunlight, or a lack thereof. The colder months - which can range from November to April - bring a series of cloudy days that can span for weeks on end. After a few days without sunshine, the lack of vitamin D starts to wear on the system and make the winter feel much, much longer. May it be winter blues, cabin fever, or the more formal Seasonal Affective Disorder, there's no reason to accept that winter has to be this way. Say it with me, "Winter can be fun!" The colder months can be just as buoyant as any other - just with the right tools in place, such as:

Water: Drink more of it. The majority of the human body is made up of water. When we're dehydrated we feel like less than our normal selves, relatively inept. By drinking more water, you're replenishing your body and allowing it to work as it should.
Vitamins: Get them. Like water, our bodies need certain vitamins and minerals to function properly. Whether you take supplements or have a nutritious diet, giving your body the fuel it needs is important when certain vitamins (like Vitamin D from the sun) are in demand.
Exercise: Yeah, yeah, yeah: We've all heard this one before. I myself have spent many a winter curled up by the fireplace, munching on baked goods, and waiting for the winter (and my blues) to end. But moving around, even if it's just a little, will get your system going again - endorphins, adrenaline, basic blood flow - and, as a result, make you feel better.
Light: Embrace it. Sunlight is your friend during the winter. When it's sunny, get ready to be active. No cave dwelling allowed - well, maybe on certain days, if you're near a window.

With these things in mind, winter weather may move from being a chore to being a gift - even without a lot of sunlight.

Hapless

2011-01-23T18:21:00.001-05:00

Hapless [adj] (haap luhs)

Unfortunate
Having bad luck

--

Won't someone help this poor, hapless Lego® man? What Lego man, you ask? This one.

Toys R Us in NYC, November 2010

Don't you see him? Okay, how about now?

Lego (jumper) Man, Toys R Us, NYC, November 2010

Yes, that Lego man, the one teetering on the edge of that very tall skyscraper. Thankfully, even in this position, he has a weather-controlled environment, interlocking feet, and a low center of gravity in his favor. However, one good bump from the unruly herd of remote controlled car/helicopter/My Little Pony-wielding 9-year-olds below will send Monsieur Lego to a carpeted grave. Or tiled grave. Or laminate. I don't remember the exact flooring treatment, to be honest. In the end, there were hundreds of little feet scurrying around the toy store when these pictures were taken, so it's unlikely that the Lego man survived with all of his plastic limbs (or hairpiece) intact.

Knowing of the fate this precariously posed toy likely faced, I suppose the real question is not whether anyone will help him, but rather if someone will help the poor, hapless sales representative who set-up this display?

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Nadir

2011-01-16T17:10:00.012-05:00

Nadir [noun] (nay dihr)(nay duhr)

Lowest Point

---

In an attempt to make room for a few new additions, I decided to reorganize/confront my entire library this week. I was grabbing for a just-out-of-my-reach Tamora Pierce novel while preventing a tsunami of literature from tumbling off the shelf when I realized I had reached the nadir of my bibliophilism. Up to my knees in memoirs, sci-fi, and textbooks, I saw just how many books were laid out before me, and I thought, “Geeze. That’s a lot of books. But … I can’t think of getting rid of a single one of them. Well, maybe that one.”

And I’ll admit it: I wanted more. I had a list of books in my iPhone that begged for perusal at my local shop. Did I need to go on Addicted? Perhaps Hoarders? Or maybe even Celebrity Rehab (okay, this was a long shot)? Was there anyone else out there who felt like his or her library was more than just a collection of papers, but a collage of his or her self?

Thankfully, there was. Enter Forever Young Adult, stage right. This post asked the question, “What does your shelf say about you?” and I think I’m ready to answer.


The Library in all of it's Glory (Yes, with a capitol G)

1. I will never, ever own an eReader. I love real, honest-to-goodness books, with book fragrances! Books are meant to be held; pages are meant to be turned. Plus, I like to live dangerously. Where’s the risk of losing your place or receiving a paper cut with an eReader? Live on the edge, say I!

Shelf 1

2. I buy books I plan to read and read often. I may have started my bookworm life as a library rat (thank you elementary school library!), but I am now a hoarder of preferred literature. See double stuffed Shelf 1 – which I love! Double stuffed is really just another way to say, “I want you to be happy, books. Please, frolic merrily with your ilk on this shelf.”

Shelf 2

3. I believe that books are meant to be shared. Odd, considering the previous bullet, I know. I have books missing from my shelf that are currently in the hands of those I am trying to educate on the wonder and miracle that is *Insert Name Here – like Hunger Games or anything by Mary Roach.* I worship at the altar of these books and proudly sing their praises in public. See something you like? Let me know. [Note: I have been burned a number of times. A book ingested by canines, a book finding a watery grave, a book chopped by a not-so-amiable lawnmower… Been there, done that. However, I suppose I still believe that people are intrinsically good (Take that, Hobbes!) and continue to lend to those with a literary lust in their eyes.]

Shelf 3

4. I am, and always will be, a lover of science fiction/fantasy. Shelves 1-3 are proof of this statement – Anne McCaffrey, Tamora Piece, Harry Potter (Hardcover – 1-3 received this year for Christmas, 5 & 6 preordered months in advance, and 4 & 7 picked up at two ubber-hip midnight releases at a local shop.], Stephanie Meyer (Twilight is the best cotton candy a girl could ask for! Though, my preference lies with The Host.), Holly Black, (Team Unicorn.) Cassandra Clare, Sara Rees Brennan (BTW – Not only an excellent crafter of dialogue, character, and demonology that is – dare I say it? – logical, but the Best. Blogger. Ever.), The Hunger Games, Killer Unicorn Series, and my Jane-Austen-Meets-Zombies-And-Sea-Monsters duet. These books say, “Hey, I get reality. Really, I do. I do not, however, choose to spend all of my time there. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a clockwork army to catch up with.”

5. I bow before wit in any form. Alan Alda, Mary Roach, and Christopher Moore make my brain and funny bone(s) happy. If you do nothing else this week, I recommend picking up Mary Roach’s Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers. A lively read (pun intended).

Shelf 4

6. I went to college. You know this because Shelf 4 consists of books that A) I cherish from favorite courses, or B) I really, really wanted to sell back but the promise of $5 for a $150 book just didn’t sound that appealing. This shelf also alludes to my chosen profession, which may or may not say something about me.

7. Finally, I am a bit of a liar. You see, this isn’t my only bookshelf. I have volumes on three other shelves around my abode. Now, the contents are not quite as telling as that shown above, but I still cherish each cookbook, classic novel, and coffee table tome. Because, you must admit: There is nothing as splendid as a good book no matter where it is housed.

Thanks for pulling me out of my nadir, FYA! Oh, and a special thanks to my library, whom without this post would have never occurred.

Aggrandize

2010-12-22T15:43:00.001-05:00

Aggrandize [adj] (uh gran dahyz)

To make greater, to increase, thus, to exaggerate.

Barnum and Bailey may claim to have, "The Greatest Show On Earth," but I have to think they're aggrandizing more than just a little. Tigers, tightrope walkers, and clowns are all well and good, but does their synergy compel you to travel across the country, sit 4-rows from the back wall on the farthest tier, and then scream/dance/bond with random strangers once the curtain rises?

If you answered, "Yes," to that question, well ... good for you! Have fun with those clowns and sticky seats!

In my case, I just witnessed The Greatest Show On Earth, and it was put on by Michael Bublé.

No - stop that! Stop making that face! The only reason you're doing that is because you're sick of hearing your loved ones swoon over this crooner, but let me tell you: He is the Best Living Entertainer and you will love him. The boy sings, jokes, and swears - how could you not embrace that?

I'll be honest: My expectations were high going in to this concert - "Everyone says he's amazing. He must be amazing. Please let him be amazing!" Nonetheless, I was still blown away by this performer's energy, pizazz, and personality. This was, hands down, the best concert I have ever attended. Bublé is not only an exceptional singer - because, really, the boy can sing -, but he truly enjoys performing and connecting with the audience. My seat was on the back wall of the Verizon Center but I felt like I was in the front row, with only a bodyguard and a guardrail between me and the pure, unadulterated musical bliss.

And I'm not even aggrandizing.

Impervious

2010-11-28T17:49:00.002-05:00

Impervious [adj] (ihm purh vee uhs)

Impossible to penetrate
Incapable of being affected

My memory is far from impervious, but there are certain things that seem to stand the test of time. Specific events become ingrained in the mind - they evolve into more than just a passing thought and become a building block of personality and whim. Like one afternoon in the third grade.

It was most definitely a Friday. The herd that was my third grade class was bouncing off the walls. Pencils, paper airplanes, and multicolored erasers flew through the air to a chorus of high-pitched giggles. Unlike the moody teenagers we all would become in a few short years (lucky us), our excitement was not due to the close proximity of the weekend (ah, almost within our grasp!), but rather because our teachers had gathered us with the promise of something "fun" to do. Insert montage of glee here.

With a flourish only known to one who has 50 pairs of doe-like eyes focused on them, a teacher emerged from the A/V room with a TV and VHS player in hand (or, you know, cart). She put in a tape, pressed play, and welcomed 90-minutes of calm into her afternoon. And an introduction to Ireland into mine.

Through The Secret of Roan Inish, I traveled to the shores of Ireland. I felt the pebbles of the beach massage (and prick) my feet, the wind chap my face, and the salt of the sea crust my hair. I let the native brogue saturate my ears, the music lift my feet in rhythm, and the weight of the land's myths and legends imprint my soul.

Now, after almost two decades, the wee lass that once sat transfixed by a film on a Friday afternoon will actually set foot on the Emerald Isle. Thanks to Champlain College's Office of International Education, I'll join my fellow alumni to Discover Ireland for 10-days next summer. With a jam-packed itinerary, there are few stones left unturned - from the must-see sights, to Irish pubs and dance, to Champlain's Dublin campus, and even Northern Ireland. Maybe I'll even see a selkie (or, you know, jump into the sea and go in search of a few). I'm sure it will be a whirlwind - but the kind that will leave you breathless with the marvels you've seen.

Next year, I'll finally meet the real land of Roan Inish and that's something I'm not likely to forget.

Enervate

2010-09-26T18:27:00.001-04:00

Enervate [verb] (ehn uhr vayt)

To reduce in strength.

When it appears that all in world is set to enervate you, you need to reset the world.

Or, you know, reset a smaller version. Ah, the cathartic value of Monopoly.

Inexorable

2010-09-19T17:40:00.001-04:00

Inexorable [adj] (inh ehk suhr uh buhl)

Inflexible
Unyielding

I don't believe many pride themselves on being inexorable. It's doubtful that there's a single human being in the world who wakes up daily thinking, "Gosh, how completely proud I am of my inability to be flexible. How I would so enjoy a slice of wheat toast with huckleberry jam." I would even find it hard to believe that during a busy afternoon one may think, "Ah, I have stuck to my guns once again. How glorious is the invention that is me. Oh, is that a penny?"

My point - the act of bullishness is not a trait one actively cherishes.

Sure, we may find pleasure in getting our way by remaining unyielding in our position. We may enjoy the fruits of such steadfastness from time to time. But everyday? No. To remain inflexible from dusk to dawn from birth to death is to fight against the universe. And that's one battle you're destined to lose.

Chicken crossing the road...at a chicken crossing. Ironic and educational.

Perhaps it's my millennial spirit getting in the way, but the thought of working against the flow, the universe as a whole, is unsavory. I want to adapt, to toggle between one opinion and the next before making a decision befitting of the situation. Like the chicken who crossed the road, I just want to get to the other side - if someone has a better way to do that, why chafe against it? Why not contribute to that method and help with improvement?

When I wake up tomorrow morning, I plan to embrace flexibility, to banish the unyielding and judge each situation with an open mind. And I hope that plan is fairly inexorable.

Penury

2010-09-12T11:37:00.000-04:00

Penury [noun] (pehn yuh ree)

An oppressive lack of resources (as money)
Severe poverty

"You know, if this keeps up we're only a hop, skip, and a jump from penury."

"Doubtful."

"We can't sustain this sort of...extravagance. Changes need to be made."

"Fine, fine."

"Don't just brush this aside."

"I'm not. Here, put this in the cart."

"You're changing the - Hey, put that back - that's...gosh, that's $10 a pound?!"

"It's local."

"Than it should be cheaper. Less airfare to get it here and all of that."

"Airfare? I'd hate to be on that plane - I hear livestock always drive for the mini-bar. Grab that bag, please? The organic one?"

"You get my point though - this is all well and good but it's not cheap. We can't keep buying like this. It's just not sustainable."

"Uh-huh. Cheese?"

"And for that matter -- huh?"

"Cheese. You know, for that whine you have going?"

"....how much is it?"

Encomium

2010-09-06T11:29:00.000-04:00

Encomium [noun] (ehn koh me uhm)

Warm praise

I can show nothing but encomium for the food vendors at the fair. Through rain, wind, heat, and snow (hey, it is Vermont), they stand in their aluminum and neon booths, smelling slightly of fried food and onion, ready and waiting to serve.

Hamburgers, fries, ice cream, pie, corn dogs, kettle corn, giant eclairs - they offer their specialties with a smile, but what they really serve-up are memories. To this day, my recollections of the fair are slathered with smells, tastes, and "Mmms." The ice cream from the UVM Dairy Barn. The chili cheese pie at Dizzy Donuts (Note: I was disheartened to find that this delectable bowl of chili lined with a tortilla chip crust is no longer available. Please bow your head in a moment of silence.) The fresh apple pie from Allenholm Farm. The maple bread from the Maple Shed. And, of course, the warm, crunchy fried bread dough...

Please note the "Maple Iceing" (sic) that I found and enjoyed last night.

All of these food vendors create happy, food-saturated memories that tie into the greater joys of my annual childhood trip the the fair. Of course, memories are often more joyful than the reality of today - say, for instance, the general increase of commercialism eating away at the agricultural merit of the fair - but the entire institution still holds a warm place in my heart.

And my taste buds.

Frenetic

2010-08-29T19:10:00.002-04:00

Frenetic [adj] (fruh neht ihk)

Frantic
Frenzied

I tend to read at a frenetic pace, the kind of pace that leads to eyestrain, paper cuts, and barely used bookmarks. It's an ill-conceived reality, I admit - devouring books. The idea itself is sound: read quickly so you can see what happens. Implementation, on the other hand, always leaves a gaping hole in your chest. Just imagine: The book of which you coveted for so long, anticipated for months if not years, is now here. Then, in a day, you've turned all of its pages, revealed the plot and its twists, and now you're left on your couch, staring at book cover thinking, "Now what?"

Unfortunately, that hollow, post-literary feeling never seems to sink into my long-term memory. I still read like the Seven Horsemen of the Apocalypse stand outside my door (when, in fact, it's just that old lady from down the lane in search of her marmalade cat named Snowball). Take, for instance, my latest dive into a bestseller - Susanne Collin's final volume of The Hunger Games trilogy, Mockingjay.

I picked up this series not a month ago and proceeded in my normal, high-octane fashion. The Hunger Games, book one, was completed in a dedicated six-hour session on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Catching Fire, book two, was a step in the right direction: this book was devoured in four nights, as a 9-5 does get in the way of my typical pace. And then, Mockingjay hit the stage this week. I hightailed it to my go-to bookstore, Bridgeside Books, during my lunch break and prepared to savor Katniss Everdeen's last stand against the Capitol.

But then, of course, three nights passed and Mockingjay was done. In three nights, I watched as Katniss became the Mockingjay, discovered that the rebel leaders were just as bad as the Capitol, and that, in the grander scheme of things, she was a pawn in ways she could have never imagined. In just three nights I was left with a hollow contentment that sat alongside overflowing sadness. The contentment came with the fulfillment of a series, of a jaw-dropping adventure complete with thrills and chills and Buttercup the cat. The sadness came not from my typical, "Now what?" but with a *SPOILER* "The Girl on Fire is now just a wisp of smoke...that's just so....wrong."

This is all due to the frenetic need to read and read quickly. So now, I sit with Mary Roach's latest novel, Packing for Mars, and hope that I won't race to the end this time.

Emphasis on "hope."

Peccadillo

2010-06-05T20:14:00.000-04:00

Peccadillo [noun] (pehk uh dih lohl)

Minor sin or offense

Without a shadow of a doubt, I consider my inactivity in the blogosphere - and this blog, in particular - to be much more than a mere peccadillo. I consider it an offense; an offense to my goals (365 words in 365 days - yeah, that's a goner), my brain ("OMG - is that did Patrick Stewart get knighted? We love Patrick Stewart! We should write about that!" my brain cried. "...yeah," My hands retort. "Maybe later." "You know, sometimes, I hate us."), and most importantly, anyone who took the time to read "Forever In Tangent." It's fairly obnoxious to find myself deserting my own intentions, but it's darn right rube to do the same to yours.

While I cannot say I will be spilling my somewhat noxious musings in this HTML enabled tome, I can say that I will be here more often than not.

And that can't be that bad.

Fallow

2010-03-14T09:53:00.002-04:00

Fallow [noun] (faa loh)

Dormat
Unused

The last word I would ever use to describe Austin is fallow. It is not idle; it is not inactive. It is not unseeded or unused. It is alive day and night. The enthusiasm that exists on the streets around midnight is contagious - even when Daylight Savings steals away another hour of our rest in the next morning.

The only time I have felt fallow in this town is during conference panels - but that's a good thing. While the city vibrates with energy and excess, I can sit in my panel on user experience or unplanning your business or using cartoons to find innovative and just ... think. And learn. And - dare I say? - mellow?

Instinctively, the (blurry) picture on top looks more exciting than the one below. Instinctively, you're wrong - if this were the Neolithic era, that wild boar would have maimed you. The left is equally exciting as the right, if not more.

Austin may be known for its active lifestyle, but the silent, quiet underbelly is just as appealing to this Green Mountain gal.

Wraith

2010-03-13T01:25:00.000-05:00

Wraith [noun] (rayth)

A ghost or spector
A ghost of a living person seen just before his or her death

When death knocks upon one's door, it is said that that person may appear to those most important to them in life as a wraith. To wish them farewell, to bid them warning, to whisper secrets that had always meant to be shared but somehow laid dormant: These are things those on deathbed come to tell the living.

These are also things one's luggage would tell its owner as an apparition before it disappeared from the airplane cargo - swept into that world the airlines call "lost baggage."

As I flew into Austin, Texas on Thursday evening, I hoped beyond hope not to receive a vision of my dear Maurice (AKA the China bag the size of Vermont). I had seen Maurice board the plane to O'Hare by chance, but through the next 4 hours, not a single vision was spotted. This could only be good news, as I feel Maurice would try to contact me if he were to be forgotten on the tarmack.

Upon descending into the baggage claim area, a parade of baggage floated through my mind's eye. Beneath the guitar-dazzled carousel, black, blue, yellow, Army, beige, and pink bags flew by and then, suddenly, there was Maurice - not his wraith but the mesh-and-thread reality.

Maurice made it to Austin. I made it to Austin. Time to unpack and enjoy the show.

Wily

2010-03-11T09:26:00.000-05:00

Wily [adj] (wie lee)

Clever
Deceptive

Not feeling wily today - working away from work is proving to more difficult than initally imagined.

Where's an ACME bow and arrow/100-ton weight/rocket-powered bicycle when you need one?

Sycophant

2010-03-10T21:32:00.000-05:00

Sycophant [noun] (sih kuh fuhnt)

A self-serving flatterer; a yes-man

I need a sycophant by my side when I pack. While I swim amongst piles of shirts, shoes, toothbrushes (yes, you need more than one), chargers, powerstrips, books, and reservation print-outs, there are few things I want to hear more than, "You're doing well, kid."

Even if I'm not.

No need to worry- I'll figure out that I'm sinking into a bottomless pit of "over-sized baggage" (read: lots and lots of money) sooner or later. Later if you tell me I'm doing it wrong and I feel a need to be right; sooner if you applaud my efforts, commend my folding technique, and listen silently to my diatribe about whether the floral print Wellies have more merit than the zebra pumps.

As a result of a rather patient sycophant, I have once again managed to pack my entire life into two pieces of luggage in preparation for a journey to South by Southwest. It's a long trip from packing to conference, but worth it.

Right? (Your response should be in the affirmative, FYI)

Erratic

2010-03-09T20:34:00.002-05:00

Erratic [adj] (ih raat ihk)

Wandering and unpredictable

Time for a little lesson in erratic behavior:

Lesson one: Make sure it makes no sense.
Lesson two: Never make sure it makes no sense.
Lesson three: Ignore lessons one and two and make this instead: Take one part Cool Whip and stir in two parts chocolate sauce - preferably Fair Trade. Enjoy the almost-mousse.

Sully

2010-03-08T20:37:00.001-05:00

Sully [verb] (suh lee)

To tarnish
To taint

Does it sully the act of blogging to force yourself to blog? When you come home late, hungry, tired, and generally lacking the creative spark, does the act of crushing thoughts into a keyboard for the sake of the act tarnish the purity of having a web log?

I wonder this as I continue my New Year's experiment - 365 Words, 365 Days. Some days, I stare at this screen for minutes on end thinking, "What am I suppose to say?" Occasionally inspiration strikes but more often than not I fake inspiration - "Oh, I had a salad for lunch. Salad is crunchy. So is snow - let's write about snowball fights!" It's a sad, sad process, but it is mine.

Unless, of course, you'd like to take it on?

In the end, I feel horrible crushing thoughts to the screen - but once I do it, I feel relieved. I'm not sullying the blogging process - the art of self-reflection with a silent crowd - as much as I am perpetuating that process. Blogging is not simple; it is a discipline, like any other.

So, in that regard, let the tarnishing continue.

Lavish

2010-03-07T15:56:00.000-05:00

Lavish [adj] (laa vish)

Extremely generous or extravegent
To give unsparingly

Sticky notes are not a lavish office supply. In fact, one could argue that little yellow pieces of paper with a touch of adhesive on one side are one of the least extravagant things one could find in one's desk.

Sticky notes are not lavish - but there are things that serve the same purpose that are much less lavish than they.

Take hands, for example.

I write everything on my hand. Reminders, phone numbers, my to-do list. I do so with Sharpies or ballpoint pens - nothing too sharp or too light - and scrub my hands daily to erase my fleshy equivalent to a whiteboard.

"... but, why? Ever heard of a sticky note?" they ask with a latent smirk on their faces. Almost on a daily basis.

Yes. Yes, I have heard of a sticky note. But sticky notes, counter to their name, do not stick to me. The ideas I write down on them drift away like so many leaves on the wind. And, quite literally, the note itself disappears, whether it be in a pile, under shoe, or attached to someone else's notebook.

My hand, on the other ... well, hand, does not disappear and, as such, does not allow for me to forget. One glance down and I remember to call the doctor, e-mail a reminder, or pick up Fluffy at the vet.

[Full disclosure: Fluffy is fictitious.]

Perhaps the next big office supply will be that which we all have: hands.

Or, you know, not.

Latent

2010-03-06T19:46:00.000-05:00

Latent [adj] (lay tnt)

Potential that is not readily apparent

On occasion, latent potential reveals itself without assistance. And, on occasion, it takes a creative engineering team, $150,000 from a large insurance company, and 60 takes to bring that potential to life.

Eulogy

2010-03-05T21:14:00.000-05:00

Eulogy [noun] (yoo luh jee)

Speech in praise of someone

While holding open car doors, packing up church flowers, and warming up the hearse, I've often heard family members, friends, and mourners wish they could be at their own funeral just so they could hear their eulogy.

As a former funeral attendant, I find this to be an ... unfortunate desire.

I've heard a number of eulogies in my time: some short, some long; some funny, some heartbreaking; some uttered in conspiratorial tones for those in-the-know, some pushed through sobs, tissues, and snot. Most speeches are glowing - highlighting the best aspects of the person as if a postmortem halo will magically appear over all the darker, sneakier, and self-serving acts in that person's life. But that's to be expected - we're taught to never speak ill of the dead.

As if those six-feet under would die all over again to hear a negative word uttered about their former existence. But, perhaps, the opposite would be truer - they'd die to hear nothing but the positive.

It is that consideration that makes me cringe when hearing mourners wish to listen in on their own eulogies - because what they would hear is neither about the person they were or even the life others thought they lived. What they would hear is a Sainthood that never existed; perfection that can only exist in death.

If I heard nothing but my praises, in my semi-zombie-ghost-possessed-angelic state, I would think, "Well, I guess no one really knew me at all."

And that is no way to start an afterlife.

Repast

2010-03-04T20:58:00.001-05:00

Repast [noun] (rih paast)

Meal or meal time

Noting the number of Girl Scouts I have seen stationed around malls, events, and polling stations in the last week, I feel it is my duty to remind everyone that cookies are not a repast.

Cookies with milk, however, are a completely different animal. Meal. Whatever.

Zenith

2010-03-04T20:47:00.002-05:00

Zenith [noun] (zee nihth)

The point of culmination
Peak

The word "bandwidth" needs to reach its zenith sooner than later.

"But do you have the bandwidth?"
"I'm not sure if my bandwidth can support it."
"I have the bandwidth."
"Good, I'll meet up with you after so our bandwidths will be in sync."

I'll be frank: My bandwidth for bandwidth is shrinking at an exponential rate.

Until I started to work with MBAs, I never heard of "bandwidth" in any other light other than a rate of data transfer for computers. Then I heard the piece of business jargon - meant to describe the resources needed to complete a task - tossed around the conference room and I thought, "What a niftry phrase! I shall use it daily and call it mine. And I will braid its hair and paint its nail and we'll gossip on the phone all night long..."

[That last bit might be a lie. Or a half truth. You decide.]

I took up the "bandwidth" mantel with vigor, but now I am putting it back down. But more so, I am putting it down, placing it on the curb, getting into my car, running it over, backing up and repeating until all that's left of that word is "and."

[I like "and" - it's a useful conjunction.]

Overused pieces of jargon - like bandwidth - need to be shelved for the sanity of the workforce. Or, more specifically, my sanity. If I respond to a question like, "Can you work on that?" with "Yes, I have the time." and receive a retort of "And bandwidth?" it's likely I will collapse in a heap of disgruntlement. A twitchy heap of disgruntlement. A twitchy heap of disgruntlement with absolutely no time, resources, or energy to do anything but mutter about bandwidth.

No one wants to see that.

Help the working population: Have yourself purged of bandwidth.

Ingratiate

2010-03-02T20:43:00.002-05:00

Ingratiate [verb] (ihn gray shee ayt)

To gain favor with another by deliberate effort
To seek to please somebody so as to gain an advantage

When bloggers share content made by others - specifically companies - on their blogs, it's of little doubt they're doing so in an attempt to ingratiate.

Perhaps they post the media because they legitimately like it or perhaps they have an agenda behind the action, but either way, it's an intelligent move. With Google Alerts proliferating the marketing departments of many a corporation, the chance of someone at the company seeing the entry is substantial. And, heck, if a company can provide something to the (occasionally) open and echoing space that is a blog and please an audience, than why not re-purpose it?

By my own conclusion, by sharing a favorite Old Spice commercial with the Blogosphere, one may assume I'm angling for something.

In this case, I'm not - I just like it.

But, if I found myself suddenly in possession of a half-dozen or so Old Spice products to share with my XY-chromosome compadres, I wouldn't complain.

Legerdemain

2010-03-01T20:21:00.001-05:00

Legerdemain [nout] (lehj uhr duh mayn)

Trickery

--

I was never very good a legerdemain, particularly when done with the explicit purpose of entertaining others. A deck of cards, a few cups with a ball, a multicolored scarf - all props intended to supply an easy dose of amusement with a few motions, a wave of the wand, and a magic word. Simple to learn; simple to execute.

Or so they said.

I recall a night spent trying to teach kids how to do a card trick when I was no more than tot myself. Volunteering for the event had seemed like such a good deed, but when confronted with my inability to master the trick ("Was it the ace in front or the 8?"), my choice now seemed like a voluntary trip to purgatory. Barely held back from the stage by their fatigued parents, the crowded room of pixie-stick laden elementary school children waited impatiently for the magician to perform the trick and quickly turned their hungry eyes towards the helpers - at me.

Imagine a herd of wildebeests coming at you. Now imagine you having to teach those wildebeests how to tapdance and you don't even have the right tap shoes. Then picture the wildebeests picking up the steps on their own and looking at you as a lion would.

Welcome to my evening.

To say the least, I didn't master my legerdemain that evening, or even the next. But I worked on it and one day, I did it. I made the trick work.

Houdini I may not be, but for a moment, at least I had found my tap shoes.

Capricious

2010-02-28T15:56:00.000-05:00

Capricious [adj] (kuh pree shuhs)(kuh prih shuhs)

Changing one's mind quickly and often
Old-fashioned

--

"I think I'll give a card. Does that sound good?"

"Uh, it's a little - basic But I don't want you to become capricious."

"Well, perhaps flowers would be appropriate."

"Flowers would be nice."

"Daisies, maybe. Or roses?"

"Can you get roses this time of year?"

"Maybe. Or you could just go for carnations. Carnations are always at the grocery store."

"Than they're definitely not that special. I should give something that's special."

"Chocolate? Chocolate is special."

"Only if it has nougat - and not the kind with nuts. Or the kind with spices. Or uses white chocolate. Or -"

"Okay, no chocolate. A book? Some poetry?"

"Does that look like an option?"

"Yeah, no. So, jewelry?"

"A necklace would be nice. Something shiny...or something colorful?"

"Could be both. Though, that may be overkill."

"No flowers, chocolate, poetry, or jewlry. What else is there?"

"...a card?"

"Maybe that would be for the best."

Archaic

2010-02-27T09:29:00.000-05:00

Archaic [adj] (ahr kay ihkv)

Ancient
Old-fashioned

There is nothing archaic about waking up to a snow covered world. It's rather refreshing, to see everything embrace a blank canvas. At least for a time.

Itinerant

2010-02-26T21:13:00.001-05:00

Itinerant [adj] (ie tihn uhr uhnt)

Wandering from place to place
Unsettled

--

Who needs to be itinerant when there's Google Earth? With a click or two, you're in Sydney. Another click, the streets of New York. Another, outside the local country store. It's possible to be unsettled and yet settled - to travel the world without leaving the comforts of your desk.

Of course, for those truly born with wanderlust, Google Earth is a tease. The real journey is packing your bags, booking a flight, and feeling the dirt of a foreign land between your toes. It's about the smell of the Sydney Opera House; the dampness of a Broadway while you wait for cheap tickets to a shot. It's about walking into the country store and leaving with a bag full of penny candies and the latest gossip about Mr. Higgins down the road.

It's the experience of travel that makes being itinerant worthwhile. But, for now, Google Earth is a looking glass into the world and a fairly good one, at that.

Monotony

2010-02-25T19:25:00.001-05:00

Monotony [noun] (muh naht nee)

No variation
Tediously the same

--

Eating can, on occasion, become less of an enjoyment and more of a monotony. Food supplies proper nutrition and proper nutrition keeps us alive. End meet means.

But I cannot imagine what the people who choose to have tongue patches surgically implanted to limit themselves to a liquid diet must feel about their food. Monotony it must be - and torture. Listen to the description:

The medical procedure involves stitching a small piece of polyethylene mesh onto a patient's tongue, making it painful to ingest solid foods and forcing a low-calorie, liquid diet.

Uh, ow? And duh, might I add. It's the same reason people after surgery lose weight - they're in pain and thus lose appetite. While the patch is removable, according to the article, I cannot see the association of food=pain going away. Perhaps that's the point, but when pay to become one of Pavlov's dogs?

I suppose, as I munch - pain free - on another turkey sandwich, that my monotony is not that bad.

Nettle

2010-02-24T20:03:00.001-05:00

Nettle [verb] (neh tuhl)

To irritate

It is my goal to nettle you just a little today in order to make you more acutely aware of how nice, simple, and completely normal your life truly is. How am I going to do this? May I present, My Little Pony: Live?

Yes, that's "I'm Not Going" from Dream Girls and, if you made it through, "Defying Gravity" from Wicked. Sung by ponies.

No need to thank me.

Precipitate

2010-02-23T19:46:00.001-05:00

Precipitate [verb] (preh sih puh tayt)

To throw violently or bring about abruptly
Lacking deliberation

--

Do you ever wonder if births precipitate themselves into windows purposefully? The general consensus is that they TWACK, WHACK, THUNK into windows because glass reflect a clear sky or that the bird thinks its attacking another bird. The act is not purposeful; the act is an accident.

But, then again, the "general consensus" also said that the world was flat for a few hundred years. So.

You see, if I were a bird, I think I would choose to run into windows. I would do this not because, as a bird, I'd be of the suicidal sort or overly manic, but because I imagine the thrill of freaking out humans would be rather enjoyable. Flying into a window at a controlled speed (decided upon by the pitch of the TWACK, WHACK, THUNK that is achieved, of course) wouldn't hurt me, but it would solicit a few gasps, screams, and general looks of shock. As a bird, this may be a highlight of the day - or, perhaps, a right of passage into true Birdom.

But, that's not really the general consensus on the issue. So.

Then again, the "general consensus" also said that the world was flat for a few hundred years. So.

Intrepid

2010-02-22T06:20:00.001-05:00

Intrepid [adj] (ihn treh pihdt)

Fearless
Resolutely courageous

--

Maple bacon ice cream is rather intrepid. Creating a dessert that is smokey-sweetness bathed in a creamy-cool shell requires a touch of courageousness but it is worth the risk - it is delicious.

Particularly when sandwiched between two chocolate cake cookies and placed upon a base of strawberry sauce, as it was at The Bearded Frog last night.

Unfortunately, I was so engrossed in the dish that I neglected to take a picture! Perhaps I will upload a rendering of this dessert later in the day. Trust me, the wait will be worth it.

That is, if you're intrepid enough.

Intransigent

2010-02-21T11:57:00.000-05:00

Intransigent [adj] (ihn traan sug juhnt)

Uncompromising
Refusing to be reconciled

--

There are few things in life of which I feel fairly intransigent. Compromise is a good thing - if only so everyone feels a little cheated, and thus, equally offended.

That being said, when one points out that the double-jointedness of my feet bothers one and may or may not induce vomiting, I am unlikely to acquiesce. You see, this is comfortable. I have been doing this since I was small. This is no worse than you cracking your knuckles, cracking your gum, or flicking your nails - obsessively.

In this, I remain intransigent. Fair warning.

Machinations

2010-02-20T09:06:00.001-05:00

Machination [noun] (mahk uh nay shuhn)

Plot or scheme

--

"I grow tired of your feeble machinations, Maurice."

"If you surrendered, my machinations would cease. It would seem to me that you are the source of your own irritation, James."

"While your mental ruminations and general disregard for logic are quite titillating, I do believe I have had enough."

"Lovely. So have I."

"Shall we, then?"

"Oh, after you. I insist."

"Fine."

"15 Victory Points? The game ends at 10."

"True. Perhaps next time, when you continue to be uncooperative with swapping your Bricks for Wheat, you will remember this painful loss."

"Next time, I will not lose."

"Unlikely, young Settler of Catan. Unlikely."

Anodyne

2010-02-19T21:28:00.001-05:00

Anodyne [noun] (aah nuh dien)

Something that calms or soothes pain

--

The anodyne for today, for this week, comes in the form of a number. A simple number, known to most and revered for its wholeness in percentage, perfection in scoring, and triad of rounded digits.

That number of which I speak is that of 100, for as of last entry, February 18, 2010, Forever In Tangent hit its 100th entry.

To those 100 stories, I send my merry spirits and gratitude. To the next 100, I bid my salutation and cannot wait to meet you in person.

Posit

2010-02-18T20:19:00.000-05:00

Posit [verb] (pah siht)

To assume as real or conceded
To propose as an explanation

If I may, I posit that the availability of Ring Pops is not something that most people contemplate. However, I can honest say that the lack of inventory of this ring shaped lollipop (that come in a variety of fruity flavors) has been on my mind during the last 24-hours.

You see, I was on search for these little jewels last night to act as a sugary inspiration for a brainstorm session. It made perfect sense - interactive and sweet! How could it go wrong?

I'll tell you: It goes wrong when you can't find any. Five stores over two days and no Ring Pops.

Apparently, Ring Pops are high in demand and sold out. Or undervalued by the American public.

Unfortunately, I posit that it is the latter.

Stratagem

2010-02-17T20:39:00.000-05:00

Stratagem [noun] (straa tuh juhm)

Trick designed to deceive an enemy

--

This is not a stratagem (which should be clear, dear reader, as you are not my enemy. At least, I think not). This is, in fact, a shared smile in the form of a video - a wedding music video, to be precise:

Garrulous

2010-02-16T20:35:00.000-05:00

Garrulous [adj] (gaar uh luhs)

Tending to talk a lot

--

The last place I believe myself to be garrulous is online. And yet, here I sit, 8 o'clock at night with a bowl of cut peaches to my left, a television with a rerun of NCIS to my right, and my laptop stationed in front of me, ready to be a little talkative with the anonymous world of the Internet once again.

I may not be a talker to strangers in real life, but online? Just call me Phyllis Diller.

...

That may have been the incorrect pop culture reference. Nonetheless.

While this may not be considered "talking" in the strictest of senses, I do consider the act of blogging, of Tweeting, of merely submitting a status update to be conversation in key-strokes. I put it out there; you read it or do not. In everyday life, I may put a statement out there; you hear it or do not. The real difference here - in this online area - is that my key-strokes have the potential to live forever in zeros and ones. It's a beautiful disaster waiting to happen.

So, for tonight, I withdraw my garrulous activities for the promise of another day. As Phyllis Diller said:

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

...again, wrong reference.

Philanthropy

2010-02-15T21:23:00.001-05:00

Philanthropy [noun] (fihl aan throh pee)

Charity
A desire or effort to promote goodness

--

The philanthropic season always cradles the holidays. From the onset of November to the closing of January, giving is in the air.

And the phone lines.

Three, four, five calls a day from non-profit organizations asking for donations during the holidays is not an uncommon occurrence. Three, four, five statements of "No, we're not giving this year" are also not uncommon. We decline to give and, in that moment, feel equally abashed and elated.

Abashed and elated? How can that be? In truth, no one likes to be solicited - to be asked for funding and give away one's hard earned pay. However, when one is confronted with a depository of admirable intent, that dislike turns inward - "I'm sorry I cannot give to such a worthy cause." We feel abashed, as a result.

At the same time, it's true that we do not like to ask for money. "Ah, but you're not asking for money; you're being ask," you say. True - but think ahead. If one donated to a charity, but does so beyond one's means, the next step for the individual is to be the recipient of charitable funds. By passing on giving money to a non-profit, one is saving the charity from having to support one later on - hence the sense of elation.

As the phones cease to ring nightly with requests to support one cause or another, so ceases the conflicting feelings of embarrassment and happiness as we are no longer forced to say, "I'm sorry, but we can't donate." We can rest and save - until November, that is. Then: let the calls of philanthropy being.

Politic

2010-02-14T13:18:00.002-05:00

Politic [adj] (pah lih tihk)

Shrewd and practical in managing or dealing with things
Diplomatic

--

"You handled that in a politic manner."

"Thank you. Could you pass the salt?"

"I mean, I would have gone for glaring, screaming, and throwing things, myself."

"He meant well. That's what counts in the end. And the pepper?"

"Sure, sure. You really are embracing this whole Zen mentality, aren't you?"

"There's no sense in getting upset about it at this point. The deed is done."

"And what a deed it was."

"It was rather ... "

"A Thigh Master! Man alive - he gave you a Thigh Master on Valentine's Day!"

"I was going to say 'It was rather unconventional,' but ... "

"And he's still breathing - that's the impressive part. You are operating at a level I can't begin to understand."

"Oh, don't give me so much credit. I'm not a saint."

"... why not?"

"Let's just say he'll be getting a rather unsavory meal for his birthday."

"You know, that's quite diplomatic of you."

"I think so. Pass the Drano - er, I mean hot sauce, will you?"

Prudence

2010-02-13T19:08:00.002-05:00

Prudence [noun] (proo dehns)

Wisdom
Caution or restraint

--

As the Vancouver Winter Olympics shifts into full gear, I once again find myself trying my best to show prudence in regard to the Olympic games.

And, more specifically, the merchandise that comes along with it.

You see, I have a tendency to pine over elements of Team USA's uniforms - from their 2002 berets by Roots to their 2006 ... berets by, er, Root's. Clearly, I like accessories and Olympic accessories are no exception. [Let it be known that that the 2008 uniforms by Polo had no pull for me - as there were not berets involved, apparently.]

However, I have refrained from purchasing any merchandise - a fact that is to be applauded, as I was in Beijing last summer and the Olympic fever is still alive and well for vendors.

But this year. This year, there are mittens.

Canadian mittens. Bright red, maple leave embossed, Canadian mittens. Mittens that are, as of this moment, out of stock on HBC and the official Vancouver Olympic site.

This, by most accounts, may be a blessing - a sign of the universe saying, "Prudence, dear. Prudence."

I hear you, Universe. Trust me; I hear you and thank you for your foresight and fortitude in these matters.

But still - Olympic mittens...

Coffer

2010-02-11T20:56:00.000-05:00

Coffer [noun] (kah fuhr)

Strongbox
Large chest for money

--

At first glance, the below box would appear to be a coffer. Upon further inspection, however, the box would prove to be a machine that turns itself off, also know as The Most Useless Machine Ever:

The good news is that you can make one yourself, via Instructables. Time to have some useless fun!

Discern

2010-02-11T20:50:00.002-05:00

Discern [verb] (dihs uhrn)

To perceive or recognize

--

With Valentine's Day just around the proverbial corner, an abundance of jewelry advertisements has made me wonder if it's actually possible to discern a diamond from an artfully cut piece of glass.

For consumers like myself, the telltale sign of a diamond is the price - all derived from the 4-Cs: color, cut, clarity, and carat. From those four options, it would appear that the first three are visible to the naked-eye and can be characteristics of any gem - or, dare I say, crystal? Carats fall into an entirely different ballpark, but if a jeweler was to tell a customer that so-and-so ring was 24-carats, would they know if it was actually 14?

My visceral response: No, they wouldn't. They'd flaunt their ring around like there's no tomorrow, waxing and waning on the beautiful princess cut, the ravishing clarity, the rich color, and, yes, the gluttonous carat count. They'd have no idea that their hand was sporting a piece of cut glass and - you know what? - they'd be happy in their illusion.

Ignorance is, on occasion, bliss. As long as the foundation is strong, a cheap ring can't break it. A ring, now matter the cost, will not patch up a relationship on Valentine's Day. What it will do is just sell for a bit more at the pawn shop when the divorce papers are signed.

If that's a main concern, than reaching a certain level of carat discernment may be prudent this Valentine's Day.

Pathogenic

2010-02-10T19:17:00.001-05:00

Pathogenic [adj] (paa thoh jehn ihk)

Causing disease

--

"You must be pathogenic."

"Unlikely."

"Unlikely as it is, you can't ignore evidence."

"I wouldn't go as far as to call it 'evidence.'"

"The absence of three-out-of-five of our co-workers at work today?"

"Coincidence."

"The surplus of tissues in your wastebin."

"Allergies."

"And finally: The absence of Purell in your purse."

"I hate the smell. And I heard its bad for jewelry."

"People dropping dead around you; sniffles, coughing, and sneezing, plus a distinct lack of hand sanitizer? Ladies and gentlemen, Typhoid Mary has arrived."

"Oh, please, for the love of - ... "

"You're about to sneeze, aren't you?"

"..."

"You're not going to grab a tissue, are you?"

"..."

"You're going to -"

"Bless me."

"Ew. I felt that."

"Well, if you were right, I was going to give it to you anyway. Welcome to the pathogenic fold, my sickly fellow."

Perfunctory

2010-02-09T18:32:00.000-05:00

Perfunctory [adj] (per funk tor ee)

Done in a routine way
Indifferent

--

The commute to work each morning is never perfunctory; the ride home, however, always is.

While I am aware that time cannot be elongated or truncated, it always feels like my 30-mile drive is quite a bit shorter in the morning than it is in the afternoon. As a result of this lapse in the time-space continuum, my drive home is often an indifferent one - ignoring the scenery, the vast snow-topped mountains and glistening evergreens for the sake of getting home.

But, then again, I'd rather have an indifferent ride than an eventful one. Now, off to my perfunctory drive.

Canard

2010-02-08T20:09:00.000-05:00

Canard [noun] (kuh nard)

A lie

--

It would be a canard to say that 15-30 inches of snow doesn't phase me. If I was to hear one of my dear Channel 3 News meteorologists look into the camera and say that the Dooz-o-meter has broken as a result of the impending snow storm, my native Vermonter blood would proceed to glaze.

However, I would still face the day, as my my Green Mountain blood is 20% anti-freeze.

It would appear that this meteorologist's blood is not so chemically balanced. As he says, "Oh boy."

Chaos

2010-02-07T15:43:00.001-05:00

Chaos [noun] (kay ahs)

Great disorder
Confused situation

--

While I hate to editorialize - okay, you can stop laughing now - but please allow me to do just that when it comes to today's word: chaos.

Chaos, the opposite of order, the bringer of confusion, and the title of a French film about prostitutes I saw in a high school French class, is a word in my GRE vocabulary book. This baffles me to the point where I felt compelled to use the verb "baffle" despite its rather odd configuration that looks a touch like "wiffle" and thus reminds me of t-ball games during a summer camp that I acquaint to a very long nighmare.

That aside, how in the world is "chaos" deemed a graduate word rather than a undergraduate word? If you were able to get through high school without confronting the concept of chaos, than I applaud you for your absentmindedness and general disregard for any literature class you may/may not have ever taken. If you were able to get through your undergraduate degreee without confronting the concept, than I question if you went to college - period.

Chaos is not a GRE word - opine, desultory, transitory, and anachronism are. Please note this, GRE study guide, as we go forward to avoid further chaos.

Opine

2010-02-06T15:01:00.000-05:00

Opine [verb] (oh pien)

To express an opinion

--

If I many opine, the video for "Her Morning Elegance" by Oren Lavie is mesmerizing. Apparently, the entire video is composed of over 3,000 stills and the actual shooting took only a day (cite). I want to make something like this:

Insipid

2010-02-06T08:10:00.001-05:00

Insipid [adj] (ihn sih pid)

Lacking interest or flavor

--

When is it that birthdays become insipid?

It's not when we're 5 and squeal at the sight of our Sesame Street cake and plow through a pile of presents in mere moments.

It's not when we're 10 and invite a gaggle of friends for a sleepover which features little-to-no sleep.

It's not when we're 15 and we try for our drivers permit, or 16 when we hope to call the open road our own.

It's not when we're 18 and put a foot into the adult world - and by adult, we do meant cigarettes, military, and porn.

It's now when we're 21 and shimming up to the bar (or, in this writer's case, shimming up to a ice cream sundae the size of her head).

Is it 23 when the glow fades? The age when we realize that all milestones from there-on-out are marked in decades and those decades arrive with a town's worth of misconceptions, worries, and societal beliefs. The age when both feet are planted firmly in the adult world of rent, loans, and ever-changing atmospheres. The age when friends move on, family moves on, and even time itself appears to plunge ahead, unconcerned with our apprehension. The age when expectations begin to be the guide and desires get moved to the trunk.

With such a list of birthday-induced absolutes, its no wonder birthdays become insipid over time - there's just far too much to worry about in between.

Intractable

2010-02-04T19:20:00.001-05:00

Intractable [adj] (ihn traak tuh buhl)

Not easily managed or manipulated

--

My virus is proving to be intractable, as is my imagination. Although lessening in resolve (the virus, not the imagination), it chooses to transmogrify daily into something new and equally uneasy. It's like a mini-Picasso in my system - just replace paint with with a battle field of empty white blood cells. But still, it's rather imaginative.

...

Is it sad that my virus has more creativty than I do?

I think so.

...

Nonetheless, we will prevail. And by we, I do hope that will not include the virus, which would indeed be counter to the whole "prevailing" concept.

Fortuitous

2010-02-03T19:10:00.001-05:00

Fortuitous [adj] (fohr too ih tuhs)

Happening by chance
Fortunate

--

It seems wrong that sickness is such a fortuitous event. One moment, one is completely whole - agile, buoyant, and driven; the next the entire world is turned on its head. Wistfulness, lethargy, and irritation quickly take over and reign for a fortnight.

How I hope this doesn't reign for a fortnight.

Perhaps this fortuitous event will come to an end as quickly as it was brought on.

Now, if you'll excuse me, medication awaits.

Iniquity

2010-02-02T16:43:00.001-05:00

Iniquity [noun] (ih nihk wih tee)

Sin
Evil act

--

Being sick is unfortunately, but the real iniquity occurs when one is confronted with vomiting, intestinal problems, achiness, headaches, and an inability to sleep in little more than fits.

I am facing that reality as I type.

Or was. My symptoms are now limited to achiness and headaches. I'm quite content to see my maladies diminish, but the lack of sleep is compounding what few issues I have left.

Ah, to be sick and young.

Anachronism

2010-02-01T06:28:00.000-05:00

Anachronism [noun] (uh naak ruh nih suhm)

Something out of place and time.

--

Too literal an anachronism?

Cavemen from the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History, August 2009

Hope the Geico guys don't mind....

Proliferate

2010-01-31T13:07:00.001-05:00

Proliferate [verb] (proh lih fuhr ayt)

To increase in number quickly

--

Viral videos are called such because their view count is quickly proliferated. What makes a video worthy of such adoration? To me, surprise wins out above all else. Anyone remember the Dramatic Chipmunk? Nora the piano playing cat? The Wedding entrance dance? All unexpected moments with real world context that struck our funny bone and caused us to pass the link on to Aunt Sue, cousin Howard, and Mildred from the mail room.

So, the latest viral video: Hitler Responds to the iPad. Take a historically malicious dictator, add the hype and/or dissatisfaction of the Apple iPad, mix it together, and we have a video worth proliferating.

Diaphanous

2010-01-30T09:49:00.001-05:00

Diaphanous [adj] (die aaf uh nuhs)

Allowing light to show through
Delicate

--

"I wish walls were diaphanous."

"That's a little random. And pervy."

"No, no. Think about it: If everyone could see through walls a lot of things could be avoided."

"Like ... ?"

"Like walking in on a conversation ... about leg waxing. Or warts. Or having to fake excitement over a crappy gift because everyone's already seen how crappy it is. Or -"

"Or fund raising door-to-door, because, hey, I can see you inside your house, eating your potato chips by the television, mister!"

"... a little bitter there?"

"A little. Fifth grade was not my best year."

"But you get the point - by having nothing to hide behind, people would be a lot more honest, kinder, real. None of this pretentious crap. We'd just be."

"You know, I never imagined you to be such a philosophical soul."

"See - if these walls were diaphanous, you would have known all along."

"Maybe. But I still think you were talking about seeing into dressing rooms."

"I was."

"Perv."

Enigma

2010-01-29T20:54:00.001-05:00

Enigma [noun] (ih nig muh)

A puzzle; a mystery

The enigma of a restless night's sleep is something that only strikes me during the full moon. May it be the brightness of the night, the change in the tides, or the howls of werewolves outside my door, evenings that are bejeweled by a usually pallid orb render my sleep inconsistent and my waking hours dreary.

Tonight my thoughts turn to the glowing moon in the sky and contemplate the enigma that will become my fitful sleep tonight.

Pallid

2010-01-28T21:33:00.001-05:00

Pallid [adj] (paa lihd)

Lacking color or liveliness

--

Can being pallid be considered the ultimate super power? Before you respond with a vehement "No way, Jose," look at my infereneces:

Being completely devoid of color could be considered being invisible.
Lacking liveliness could be lacking life, rendering one neither alive nor dead and thus impermeable to harm and time.
Having no visibly energizing qualities may also produce a repellent from society.

Invisible, impermeable, impeccably inane. Sounds like a grouping of powers of which Lex Luther himself would pine.

Thoughts? Or is this entry too pallid for you?

Estimable

2010-01-27T20:20:00.000-05:00

Estimable [adj] (eh stuh muh buhl)

Admirable

--

While I do not believe it to be estimable to promote organizations that you do not enjoy, I do believe that the Bundle is darn cute!

Sportive

2010-01-26T20:12:00.001-05:00

Sportive [adj] (spohr tihv)

Frolicsome; playful

--

Sportive behavior should be awarded in today's world. Not frivolous or inane behavior - sportive.

With all the stress, anxiety, fear, aggravation, tears, blood, and quarrels one has the opportunity to face daily, I wonder if a little playfulness thrown into the ongoing drama that is Life would assist. A conversation gone tangential, an off-the-cuff visual gag about borings v. boring, a suggestion to make more meetings about planting cotton candy and lollipop gardens, a whim to leave smiley faces in the snow on parking lot cars, a lunchtime scavenger hunt for the cheapest, tackiest horse themed item in the drug store - these are things worth acting upon during the day.

However, I'm sure that list looks rather foolish to 90% of you. An exploration in random, wasteful behavior, perhaps?

I, on the other hand, call it creativity and think that such musing are far too easily dismissed.

Sportive - try it sometime.

Desultory

2010-01-25T20:19:00.000-05:00

Desultory [adj] (dehs uhl torh ee)

Jumping from one thing to another
Disconnected

--

Let's write in a desultory fashion, shall we?

While the Smithsonian is a place of family fun, this giraffe doesn't appear to be having fun with the family. That may be due to its taxidermed state. [Picture taken August 2009]
Have you ever forgotten how to walk down the stairs? You don't forget for a long time, just long enough to realize that you've forgotten. It's a reaction to your brain kicking back into gear during a habitual activity - you never have to think about it, so when you do it's hard to remember exactly what you do.
Allison Janney and Tim Busfield make my life and need to do another show.

Is that desultory enough for you?

Quotidian

2010-01-24T17:31:00.002-05:00

Quotidian [adj] (kwo tih dee uhn)

Occurring daily
Commonplace

It's a sign you're a Northerner when single digit temperatures are so quotidian that you barely notice the frostbite.

It's sign that you're a New Englander when you see 32-degrees and think that the weather has finally turned tropical.

It's a sign you're a Vermonter when you decide that stripping and leaping into Lake Champlain in February is fun.

It's a sign you're Winter Weary when making lists about the cold weathers becomes quotidian.

Amortize

2010-01-23T09:22:00.001-05:00

Amortize [verb] (uh mohr tiez)

To diminish by installment payments

--

There are few things more satisfying than when you amortize your college loans. One installment at a time that gargantuan number - a so-called equivalent to the education you received - lessens until, one day, there is nothing left.

I dream of that day.

Until then, I continue to pay one day at a time. Each payment is a baby step, but one day it will be a downhill sprint.

Here's hoping.

Insurrection

2010-01-22T20:08:00.000-05:00

Insurrection [noun] (ign suh rehk shuhn)

Rebellion

--

I've watched Star Trek: Insurrection, but tend to forget about that fact. As such, I re-watch the film annually and think "Why was this a movie and not an episode on the series?"

Frankly, having such a reaction pains me one deep, molecular level. It's against my basic instinct to question Trek, the science fiction series that birthed an entire generation of scientific inspiration.

Yes, it is true: I'm a Star Trek fan, particularly when it comes to Star Trek: The Next Generation. Jean-Luc Picard, Will Ricker, Deanna Troi, Data, Doctor Crusher, Geordi LaForge, holodecks, warp 9, the Borg, Q, "Engage!" I sigh happily at the thought of the series - and yet, this movie - this silly, silly movie makes me want to scream.

It's just not up to par for a film: lacking a driving plot, character development, action, adventure, and the quips that the past two ST:TNG movies have cradled so close to their film reels.

So, to lick my wounds and fight my own Trekkie insurrection I think I'll settle in, turn on the SyFy channel (Sidenote: SyFy? Really? SciFi just isn't cool enough anymore?) and watch one of my favorite films - Star Trek: First Contact.

Meticulous

2010-01-21T06:51:00.001-05:00

Meticulous [adj] (mih tihk yuh luhs)

Extremely careful
Fastudious
Painstaking

--

I'm oddly meticulous when tired.

You would think it would be the other way around: sleepy means sloppy. But no - I cling to detail when my eyelids refuse to stay open.

It may be a tactic to induce sleep, frankly. If I know that those utensils need to be parallel on the place-setting because I have done it so many times in the past, then my brain can go on autopilot. If I see a stack of shoes at the bottom of the stairs and know that they belong upstairs, in their respected boxes, my brain, once again, can set this little lady on a course and stop paying attention.

My brain may actually be more tired than my body, delegating tasks to my hands while it gets on its robe and nightcap.

Unfortunately, every time I think of being meticulous I will now think of my brain looking like Dicken's Scrooge. Fail.

Eloquent

2010-01-20T20:42:00.002-05:00

Eloquent [adj] (ehl uh kwunt)

Persuasive and moving, especially in speech.

--

Eloquent does not equal boring.

Take weddings, for example. Change the white gown to red, exchange flowers for felt button bouquets, install a photo booth rather than a photographer, relocate the reception at a zoo, have a potluck dinner, and the event can still be persuasive and moving because - guess what? - it's personal. Personal is eloquent, even with stammering and unfinished hemlines.

That is why I think this is one of the most eloquent save the date "cards" I have ever read - er, seen:

Repose

2010-01-19T20:22:00.000-05:00

Repose [noun] (rih pohz)

Relaxation
Leisure

--

Some days refuse to enter a period of repose, despite strong evidence to the contrary.

When one is presented with a good night's sleep, minimal morning traffic, a comfy chair, long periods of uninterrupted work, and conversations with those who always make you smile, one would put that day in the win column and move on.

Of course, moving on would make for a rather dull evaluation, no? Let's look between the lines:

When one is presented with a good night's sleep (peppered with an Iliad's worth of topsy turvy dreams), minimal morning traffic (due to fog, ice-snow fall, and a pre-sunrise departure), a comfy chair (by a drafty window), long periods of uninterrupted work (made up of the piled on work from the day before), and conversations with those who always make you smile (at bad times), one would put that day in the win column and move on.

Call me Debbie downer, but man, I could go for a period of repose.

Interregnum

2010-01-18T20:08:00.003-05:00

Interregnum [noun] (in tuh reg nuhm)

Interval between reigns

--

I'm dubbing this an interregnum. While I never imagined this blog as having a ruler, tonight marks an unofficial shift in reign AKA I'm tired and devoid of intelligent thought tonight and plan to be awake and chipper and full of intelligent thought tomorrow. Ergo, allow me to say,

The King is dead. Long live the king.

[That is, until tomorrow...]

Inimical

2010-01-17T12:27:00.000-05:00

Inimical [adj] (ih nihm ih kuhl)

Hostile
Unfriendly

--

I'd be quite inimical if I were to awaken without a head on my shoulders. Literally.

Just saying: The Headless Horseman was cranky for a reason.

Upbraid

2010-01-16T09:11:00.002-05:00

Upbraid [verb] (uhp brayd)

To scold sharply

--

While I may not speak the language, I can tell that that chimp is upbraiding that researcher. The chimp sits in front of a tube with grapes in it, howling at the glass separating itself from the researchers. To say the least, the chimp is not content with not getting the grapes out of the tube.

It's Saturday morning and I find myself captivated by The Human Spark, a three-part PBS series hosted by Alan Alda. The series aims to find out what makes us human, and this particular segment does so by showing us what is almost us: chimpanzees.

As someone who has spent little time researching the education of children or even the development of the brain, it's fascinating to see how humans follow the "monkey see, monkey do" mentality of learning.

For example, a research places a dice in a tub behind a curtain. She opens the curtain so the young child can see the tube. The child tries to get the dice out, and ends up looking at the researcher expectantly. The researcher show the child how to get it out and quickly takes the tube back behind the curtain. She sets up the tube again and presents it to the child. Without hesitation, the child gets the dice out just as she was shown. And was very happy about it, to boot.

In mere seconds, the child learned through a social interaction, copying the action she was taught precisely.

The chimps didn't do that. The chimp got the grape out of the tube eventually, but not by watching a human and not by watching another trained chimp.

It would seem that humans are more influenced by how others do things. Hence our tendency to upbraid each other for breaking the mold.

Lumber

2010-01-15T19:11:00.001-05:00

Lumber [verb] (luhm buhr)

To move slowly and awkwardly

--

We lumber to help. And I wonder.

With the catastrophe in Haiti beckoning hundreds of reporters from around the globe to report on the turmoil, to bring voice to the human loss and pain, to call for support from those of us who can, who is feeding them, housing them, providing them water?

It's a speck of question in a stream of thousands of bigger ones ("Why?" "How could this happen?" "When will the suffering stop?"), but a question that surges through my brain as I watch each of the major nightly news anchors and their reports on the ground in Haiti.

We lumber to help.

Rejoinder

2010-01-14T20:17:00.005-05:00

Rejoinder [noun] (rih joyn duhr)

Response

--

"Never," he spit out, bathing in the glow of what he believed to be a clever rejoinder. "My body is a temple."

"A temple which is pickled in liquor, anointed in cigarette smoke, and served only the rankest prostitutes from 5th and Main. If that's a temple, I'm a monkey's uncle."

He stared at her blankly.

"Let me put it this way: You do all that to your body but your refuse to let me - a time-tested female with years of experience in the art of grooming - pluck that unsightly caterpillar growing between your eyes?" Upon the word "pluck," he winced, taking a step back and waving his hands madly.

"As I said, a temple. You wouldn't do that to Zeus, would you?"

"If you were Zeus, we wouldn't be having this conversation," she retorted, tweezers held at the ready.

Pungent

2010-01-13T20:32:00.001-05:00

Pungent [adj] (puhn juhnt)

Sharp and irritating to the senses

--

If I was a kind of cheese, I think I'd be pungent. While I adore mozzarella, drool over brie, and want to spoon with a nicely aged cheddar, the more odoriferous cheeses strike me as my dairy equal. Or rather, something of which I'd like to be equal.

Allow me to explain.

Many stinky cheeses do not have a pungent taste. For example, Limburger only smells funky because of the rind. The cheese itself is mild and smooth, but for many the rind's smell is just too much to take. However, for those who take the time and work past the outer layer a lovely gastronomic pleasure awaits. Limburger is not appreciated by all, but those who appreciate it are loyal and true.

Hence my desire to be a stinky cheese.

What kind of cheese are you?

Exonerate

2010-01-12T06:18:00.002-05:00

Exonerate [verb] (ihg zahn uh rayt)

To clear of blame

--

I remember being exonerated.

I was young - a mere slice of who I am now; a wee sprout; a little shaver; a tiny tot, if you will. To be more specific, I must have been 6- or 7-years-old. I went to the pantry for a snack, found a plastic baggy with pretzels, and started munching. My memory then goes a tad fuzzy ... until I recall my mother yelling at me about eating an entire box of Girl Scout cookies (the shortbread kind), my father in tow. I tell her I didn't eat them; she holds up my empty plastic baggy as proof, saying something to the lines of, "How could you lie when I have the packaging right here?" I start to cry, as I always do when confronted with authority. It is at this moment that my father pokes his head in the pantry and emerges with a full sleeve of Girl Scout cookies.

To say the least, I was exonerated.

Eschew

2010-01-11T06:14:00.001-05:00

Eschew [verb] (ehs choo)

To shun
To avoid (as something wrong or distasteful)

--

Today, I am going to eschew proper blog content. Instead, I present you with a picture of an art piece on the National Mall in Washington, DC taken by friends in the area. The piece is called, Climate Change Plan B.

Yes, that is an ark.

Umbrage

2010-01-10T17:08:00.003-05:00

Umbrage [noun] (uhm brihj)

Offense
Resentment

--

I reserve the right to take umbrage at bad movies.

After paying nearly $10 to see a film which I have seen advertised for a months on end, I expect a certain level of quality once the lights dim in the theater and the projector click-click-clicks on. And by "quality," I do mean more than the normal Hollywood standards of focus, exposure, and framing (although, not so "standard" with certain films. See: The Blair Witch Project) - I mean plot, characterization, and reason.

Oh, and respect for established parameters of the universe, if the movie is a slice from a series.

This brings me to George Lucas and his attempt to make Star Wars into a series of bad movies.

The original Star Wars trilogy is a classic, but George didn't see it that way. George wanted more; he wanted a prequel series. A series without intriguing characters, driving plot, or even basic comprehension of the Star Wars universe. In this, he succeeded ... and, as a result, I and thousands of others can take umbrage in a big way.

The best example of this emotional reaction to George's repurposed "vision" is a 70-minute review of Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace, which systematically cuts down the film by pointing out all it's follies and misgivings while making you snort uncontrollably with random bits of dark humor and pizza rolls. Check it out and feel the umbrage:

Note: The 7-part series is loaded with profanity, off-colored jokes, and depictions of violence. View at your own discretion.

Stolid

2010-01-09T10:30:00.004-05:00

Stolid [adj] (stah lihd)

Unemotional
Lacking sensitivity

Keladry of Mindelan may be described as stolid, but she was never that to me. She was calm and centered; driven and kind; wise and honorable.

And fictional. Definitely fictional.

You see, Keladry of Mindelan is a character in Tamora Pierces' Protector of the Small series and a much loved portion of my childhood. When the Kel series was released, I was already a rabid Pierce fan, having devoured her works in The Song of the Lioness, The Immortals, and The Circle of Magic repeatedly in my 6th grade year. But I wasn't always the literary fan.

Before I discovered Pierce's Tortall Universe, I loathed reading. Reading was a chore; boring and painful. I read (and still read) at a pace that is all my own and often felt sub-par as a result. I avoided reading aloud in class, even when I recited the passage in my head over and over and again. I didn't want to stumble and blush and be stared at like I was incompetent. Reading was painful; and then, one day while I was wandering in the library, I met Alanna of Trebond.

I don't know why I decided to pick up Alanna: The First Adventure, but I do have a clear image of bending down to select that book. The book was short - just over 200-pages - and it has a girl with a horse in medieval dress on the cover. I loved the idea of medieval fantasy - the deep colors, the dress, the castles, and adventures - so I made the choice to ignore my bibliophobia and took the book home. I've been a bibliophile since that day.

Which brings me back to Kel, my favorite Tortall heroine. You see, she's only the second girl to choose to go through the training to be a lady knight in over 600 years (Alanna, being the first). She's brave, in a word, and I wanted to be like her. She overcame huge odds with poise and honor - she appeared stolid to others, but that was merely in appearance. Inside, she was passionate and roaring to act. I liked that; as a middle schooler, I thought I could be like that.

While I can't attest to ever reaching the level of "Kel," I can say that her series was and is one of my favorite to this day. If I don't re-read the series at least once at year, I feel completely and irrecoverably stolid.

Prodigal

2010-01-08T21:06:00.003-05:00

Prodigal [adj] (prah dih guhl)

Lavish
Wasteful

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"Isn't there another 'prodigal?' Something like the Progigal Son?"

"Prodigal. Prodigal Son."

"No, that's different."

"Think there's only one Prodigal Son."

"No, the Progigal Son is a good thing. You'd say, 'The Progigal Son has returned!' and proceed to give him gifts and camels. See? Good. Prodigal is a negative word, meaning wasteful and lavish. See? Not good."

"Um, while that's an interesting take on it, that's not exactly how it goes. The Prodigal Son was lavish and wasteful - that's why he came back. The point is that he returned home and his father welcomed him, despite his waste."

"Oh."

"And, he got calf, not a camel. "

"Huh. Bummer for him."

DIssonance

2010-01-07T06:24:00.001-05:00

Dissonance [noun] (dihs uh nuhns)

A harsh and disagreeable combination, especially of sounds

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Rarely does post-decision dissonance hit me after making a purchase. I'm not an impulse buyer when it comes clothing, electronics, or the latest music download (although, there have been occasions [*coughcough*MichaelBuble*coughcough* when I'm a tad trigger happy with iTunes]. I am, however, an impulse shopper.

The difference?

Impulse buyers leave the store with something and feel bad about it for a time.
Impulse shoppers leave the store without purchasing but pine over an item for days, weeks, even years.

For example: The Sweater, 2006. The perfect, yet too expensive Sweater. I tried it on, loved it, and put it back when I saw the price. Since that faithful Fall day, I've pined - pined in a way that makes me mention The Sweater every Fall and Winter, to my family's shegrin.

See, while post-decision dissonance rarely hits me after making a purchase, it often goes on a full-frontal attack when I don't.

Embellish

2010-01-06T20:45:00.002-05:00

Embellish [verb] (ehm behl ihsh)

To add ornamental or fictitious details

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Ever heard of the phrase, "To guild the lily?" It's a commonly uncommon phrase that means to overly embellish. A lily is meant to be embellishment enough, according to Shakespeare in King John:

SALISBURY:
Therefore, to be possess'd with double pomp,
To guard a title that was rich before,
To gild refined gold, to paint the lily,
To throw a perfume on the violet,
To smooth the ice, or add another hue
Unto the rainbow, or with taper-light
To seek the beauteous eye of heaven to garnish,
Is wasteful and ridiculous excess.

Brushing up on my Shakespeare for this entry feels a tad ironic, as I have fond memories of reading his works in high school only to think, "Man, this guy is really overplaying it." Apparently, I was destined to bring Shakespeare and over embellishment together, even as a wee high schooler. However, let me be clear: his works are not so much enhancing that which is considered plain, but rather deciding that something near perfection - words, beautiful words - was not good enough to present by itself. "Get to the point already," I chanted in the middle of Romeo and Juliet, A Midsummer's Night Dream. "Just say what you mean!"

Of course, my complaint with this literary hero is the exact reason many love his works - the ornate nature of it all that reveals wit, satire, and, to some extent, wisdom. Or perhaps I'm just embellishing it.

Yoke

2010-01-05T21:02:00.001-05:00

Yoke [verb] (yohk)

To join together

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When the joy of a three-day weekend loses its glow, it's time to start yoking puzzle pieces. Admittedly a pile of chaos as the process begins, that pile is soon sorted, joined, and completed.

"Sorted, joined, and completed" - four words that make 1000-piece puzzle seem like a walk in a park. (Or perhaps a Segway ride in the park; apparently such tours are very popular in metropolitan areas.) However, that is far from the truth.

Choosing to start a puzzle is choosing to walk into battle. Each piece aims to deceive, to remain in the pile with its compatriots and allude the title of POW that one receives once its rightful place is found. You spend hours - nay, days - strategizing, implementing tactics, and being fooled time and time again. You're worn, bleeding, and aggravated by the time the last piece is put in place- but it's done.

So, now the true gratification comes into play: Smooshing up the puzzle and shoving it back in the box.

Now that's joy.