Thursday, March 4, 2010


Zenith [noun] (zee nihth)
  1. The point of culmination 
  2. Peak
The word "bandwidth" needs to reach its zenith sooner than later.   

"But do you have the bandwidth?"
"I'm not sure if my bandwidth can support it."
"I have the bandwidth."
"Good, I'll meet up with you after so our bandwidths will be in sync."

I'll be frank: My bandwidth for bandwidth is shrinking at an exponential rate. 
Until I started to work with MBAs, I never heard of "bandwidth" in any other light other than a rate of data transfer for computers.  Then I heard the piece of business jargon - meant to describe the resources needed to complete a task - tossed around the conference room and I thought, "What a niftry phrase!  I shall use it daily and call it mine.  And I will braid its hair and paint its nail and we'll gossip on the phone all night long..." 

[That last bit might be a lie.  Or a half truth.  You decide.]

I took up the "bandwidth" mantel with vigor, but now I am putting it back down.  But more so, I am putting it down, placing it on the curb, getting into my car, running it over, backing up and repeating until all that's left of that word is "and."
[I like "and" - it's a useful conjunction.]
Overused pieces of jargon - like bandwidth - need to be shelved for the sanity of the workforce.  Or, more specifically, my sanity.  If I respond to a question like, "Can you work on that?" with "Yes, I have the time." and receive a retort of "And bandwidth?" it's likely I will collapse in a heap of disgruntlement.  A twitchy heap of disgruntlement.   A twitchy heap of disgruntlement with absolutely no time, resources, or energy to do anything but mutter about bandwidth.  
No one wants to see that.
Help the working population: Have yourself purged of bandwidth.  

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